Losing my marbles

It was probably because of the past experience of having someone being mugged right next to me in the jeepney. Or maybe starvation (I haven't eaten since last night and just on my way to eat) Or maybe paranoia. In the words of Ronald Weasley, "You're mental!"

The jeepney stopped to let this guy come aboard, he was grinning slyly and looking like a cat that just ate a canary. I was nervous. He looked like a mugger and my brain was going into hyper-mode-paranoia, I was already envisioning him taking out this knife, pointing it to all the passengers and asking them to give him all they got. The bad part was that he sat next to me, which again fueled my already churning imagination. He was just going to do me first! Already, I was thinking of ways to avoid it like crying and telling pathetic but pitiful lies so he could spare me, pretend I’m deaf, dumb and blind or just simply walk out of the jeep while it’s still in motion. So while I was thinking about all these, his hand went into his wallet and he took out something and quickly handed it over to my side. I jumped out of my skin! To my relief, it was just his fare, which he was giving to the conductor right next to me. I was so glad my stop came and I went out gratefully but when I was doing that, he appeared to be standing up too! He just came in, why he would want to go out so quickly? Unless it was to follow me and kill me! Maybe he was a serial killer! (at this part, I thought I was really going to go crazy and confront him right in the middle of the street.) But I was getting hungry and had no time for my imaginations so I looked to make sure he’s not following, which he was not doing. He was not even out of the jeepney! Apparently, he was just going to sit near the end portion.

(Or maybe he was just trying to spook me).

Paranoid, I am.

book-bugging

So it’s not every day that I get to read a book about fun singletons enjoying their independence in the free world (read US and Europe). Would I be like one of them, one day? The Philippines has a much different setting since we’re all about catholicism’s and we-must-be-demure type of women. It seems so restricting that we won’t be able to fully express ourselves because we have limitations. And when we gain enough courage to step out of the box, we are judged and demeaned by society. And to what standards? The ones which are based on how pure and fine our characters must be, how we must remain good always and all those bs which btw, does not work anymore! Notice the fact that we’re already in 2009! I mean, such things may be the reason why our country is in such a rut right now. It’s so annoying! It’s like, if we don’t become what society wants us to be, we are treated like pariahs!
(this is duly influenced by books I’ve read, news I’ve read and watched, lectures from intelligent human beings and my personal opinion)

scatterbrainy thoughts

One of my major dilemma's when meeting people is forgetfulness. The moment I see their faces, I recognize them as people I know but their names usually escape me. Meeting new people is fun but names can be difficult to remember. There was this instance when my friend introduced me to this group of girls and she introduced them so fast I wasn't able to catch most of their names and to this day, I still wouldn't be able to name them even if you point a gun at my head!
The same goes for my old classmates in high school, the ones I'm not close with obviously. I was walking home one evening when someone suddenly called my name. I stopped walking, looked around and saw this guy approaching me and asking me kumusta naman ka? I gave a very shrilly reply of hello, fine! and all the while, i was frantically searching for his name in my mind. All I could come up with was his last name. He probably noticed that and he told me his name, to which I replied, oh, ha-ha...i knew that! It was a pretty embarrassing moment esp. since the guy was cute!

So, aside from forgetfulness I also tend to be absent-minded. Really, really absent-minded. Respect to the instructor's are shown by greeting them and I do greet them, just with the wrong words. In high morning I say Good Afternoon and vice versa. Some of the teacher's would just smile and answer me, stressing the right words and I would end up red in the face and trying to come up with an apology without stumbling over words. At least they're considerate enough! Some of the "unmentionables" would just raise their kilay and give me their maldita look. I would soooo love to give it back! Behind their back I roll my eyes heavenward! heh-heh

it's a long way from here to there

and we couldn't even meet halfway. Everytime I reach out for it, i lose touch of reality and enter what seems to be an illusion created by my wishes. And when you enter that land, the only way to exit is to fall...hard and every hope is dashed. What's left behind is a mere shell of what you once were...that soul you had may never be recovered, but if you ever do...it will be an arduous process full of disillusionments.
i feel so miserable.
i don't want this but i can't help myself, because deep down, it's my secret fantasy that we'll be back again,..together, That maybe, there's still this one last chance of redemption.
Or maybe not.
So i'll have to stop dreaming and focus on reality.

so messed up

I'm a self-assured woman of substance. A dedicated singleton who will not let the past bite me in the butt.Again.and again.and again. So, after this tiny moment which will probably be imprinted forever in my life, i will not , ever, log-in and wait with stars in my eyes, for nothing!
My hands are shaking badly and i'm feeling cold all over. After all this time, it still has this damning effect on me. But then again, this stuff will be gone in a few seconds...waiting, waiting...waiting...i'm ready for it to go away...waiting...
huh.
still here.
Ugh
And here I am, trying to make up for being such a bad, bad girl, by making stuff seem interesting. Wanting to know how long patience could stretch...or maybe just how long i'll last before i burst and spill my guts out.
i'd probably lose again.
again.

the creativity problems of today's youth (esp.me)

While surfing in the waters of the vast network of the www, i stumbled upon this blog posting an article about a storywriting competition. I wanted in. So badly that i took the canvas we were supposed to write about and placed it as the wallpaper of my pc. Unfortunately, the muses are evading me. I'm badly in need of an inspiration. I've already decided to use Filipino as my language in writing so as to give more feeling to the story. In my opinion (and no, i do not care if you object to this) talking about the Philippine culture in english does not truly capture it's essence. There are words that only the Filipino language can truly put into life!

some.like.it.hot

We like it hotter. Unfortunately, not even the fiery fury of the fires attempted by the speakers could fuel our ears to perk up and listen. The state of chaos at the back portion of the room was inevitable since it wasn't really our choice to be there. As always, we had an alternative for boredom, cam-whoring!