That We Live In A Third World Country

To all the dreamers, who were once allowed to dream. 

To all the well wishers, fairy godmother believers, falling star hopefuls.

And to the unhappy.  

This is for you.  

I have decided to write about the injustice of it all. We were born in this country, a nation mostly of the poor. We grow up hearing about the wonders of dreams. They take you anywhere, we were told. Just BELIEVE. And we did just that. We believed, and wished and prayed that one day, we will achieve our dreams. We learned in High School that we must have a career path. Plans were made, choices done and ideal future jobs dreamed about. In the midst of all the wonderful chaos, we are subtly reminded of something. It's that niggling sensation at the back of your mind, reminding you of something you might have forgotten. Reality strikes and you come face to face not with what you want or need but what your parents and the rest of your family silently demands. This is not of a career that you love, that penniless job which makes you happy because of the self fulfillment it offers, but of the money.

One day, nursing boomed here. Not long after, schools started bursting forth like mushrooms, the demand was high for nursing education and we can supply nursing institutions. Money pouring out of your parents pockets into the ones of the somewhat opportunistic schools. Your parents have dreams for you, this is to pay the debts they acquired for you education, the money needed by your siblings for their education. Look at her daughter, she works abroad, what big house they have! You feel the pressure growing and you succumb, It is after all, your responsibility.

There are so many situations like this all over the Philippines. It is not only Nursing, but in other courses too. But in my experience, nursing is where you can find the least, the most and the uninterested. The most brilliant people go for nursing, the doctors you knew of then are now studying nursing. The least interested in a medical course is here too. They are the artists of every kind. Their art restricted because it does not pay. And then there are the uninterested. They have ceased to care. 

Dreams crushed. Dreams trampled. Dreams killed.

Reality.

We live in a third world country. And this country needs money. Everyone needs money. money, money, money, money. Forget your dreams, money comes first. 

Money. 

Now, if only I had it, I'd be living in somewhere like France. I'd be a pauper there. I wouldn't mind. As long as nobody demands me to give them money, money, money. 

Of the Modern Damaso

Remember freedom?! just because i live in a catholic country does not make me one by default. I refuse to be a part of that circus.-moi

I used to sit in a church pew and listen to the gospel, thinking that "I could recite these stuff in my sleep, replace this priest and make a better job of it". That was the turning point of my growing animosity for my country's primary religion. This is further augmented by the priests' interjection of their opinions on stuff that they should just have left alone. The problem with religion in this country is that they plant seeds into the minds of their faithful participants. These seeds are poison. They pollute. They serve to diminish the freedom to think for themselves, to see the world in their own point of view. Because they want the people to think like they do. This is a violation of freedom. This is against human rights. And then they dare accuse a man of a crime called "offending religious feelings". 

Yes, I do think they are villains. There are good guys, sure. There are those who are truly selfless in their ways of seeking spirituality, those priests who make religion seem right. But, they are a scarcity. 

The Catholic Church is a huge part of a Filipino's everyday life. In a country who prides itself in being democratic, we are perversely bound by a religion who holds us in scrutiny. Our actions must hold up to the measure of being a good Catholic, their measuring stick with cracks here and there, adjustable with the right amount, the right gift, and the right motivation. Look at us now, trying to move forward in the modern century by updating ourselves through bills that must first face the Catholic Church's inquisition before they can be passed, they must first be held as Morally Good by the standards of those whose morality are tainted with acts of immorality. 

The Church has made no secret of it's position on the Reproductive health Bill. They say it's not morally sound, they say it's promoting abortion. I say the Catholic Church must be blind to the growing numbers of Filipina's who are suffering because of poor Sex Education. They must be deaf to the screams of poor women raped, of young children who suffer through labor pains, women who deserve the right to be sexually educated at an early age. Our country has been demanding the need for more bills like that for so long. We are overpopulated, we are desperate to end our troubles, we need change fast, before we get to the point of no return. We need bills like the RH Bill because they pave the way through the country's salvation. There are too many people suffering, and the most heartbreaking thing is that they are now resigned to their lives. They put too much faith in a religion that tells them to leave the rest to God. But when they are the poor, uneducated class, "the rest" means most of everything. It eventually leads to nothing.

More people need to stand up and fight for the bill. This is not to make us sexually promiscuous, because who are we kidding?! We are the country made famous by mail order brides and internet sex-cams, we have long been aware of sex. We are not ignorant about sex, but we are ignorant of safe sex practices. The church must not have heard of STD yet, or they are refusing to acknowledge it. 

I'll end this rant before I get too offensive. I'm atheist and proud of it. 

:)

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.

Huh? No idea. 

It's just that my head hurts right now and I've just discovered disturbing facts about friendship.

One, 

When a person becomes a friend, no matter who she turns out to be, she'll still be your friend.

Two,

When stuck between two opposing entities, it's hard to not want to talk about the other in their presence.

Three,

Squabbles happen, sometimes, even in the worst of it all, you'd have to choose who to believe. And no, this does not mean you go against the other.

Four,

Friendship is an anchor. It keeps you from drifting away.

Five,

Friendship is one of the strongest bonds on earth, those ionic,covalent bonds they've discussed in chemistry? They are NOTHING compared to friendship. No other chemicals can interact so well as evidenced by friendship, and none can compare to how easily it breaks too.

Six,

Pride is a deadly sin. It's friendship's poison.

Seven,

It's so hard to not talk. It's so hard to be a friend to someone you feel has been wronged by another friend. It's so hard to see two people willing to forgo all the years of friendship. It's so wrong. 

Be friends already!

I miss you both.

I need ice cream.

frustrating.

I've always supported Schalke in the Bundesliga. I love the club fiercely but recently, my hopes have been dashed over and over and over again. The fact that Schalke seem to have lost the ability to play harmoniously on the pitch is depressing. I've seen their previous matches and as it was always painful to see my club fail. They have great players, look at Raul, Neuer, Uchida, Farfan, Howedes, Huntelaar, etc. But the disturbing thing is that they do not play well together. They lack defense, their lack a creative midfielder. It's almost like they do not want to win anything! I do not see any motivation! I want this club to win so badly because they've suffered enough losses and they need points so badly! what happened to the threatening club that almost toppled Bayern Munchen?! Did your spirit go the moment Kuranyi and Westermann left the club?! I get very emotional about these stuff and this match against BVB almost dissolved me to tears because they are failing to get even an equalizer. I can't stand to watch it! wtf. Sometimes, I wish players like Howedes and Neuer would just leave and go find bigger clubs. Damn. This is low even for me. FML.

Is Football Afraid of Gay Men?

On the field are 22 players of strong men. There are two teams, and on each one, 10 kick the ball around the field, 1 stays between the posts. The whistle blows, a red card is given. But to what you may ask?

To homophobia.

A recent news story broke about a football player who was fired from his club because he admitted being gay. This is just one of the few and rarely talked about taboos in football. Being gay is equated to committing a crime of treason to the beautiful game. The game is played by real men, it is manly, and it is not for lily livered men. It is exclusive for pure men alone. But is that how you really define men?

Male football players’ qualifications include that you can play football and male; so, if you put yourself in the gay category, you cannot play football. And if you do want to play, shut up about it.

This has been the way football has faced the issue of homosexuality for years now. It is a stigma, it must not be spoken about, and it is shameful.

Archaic, a word that aptly describes football’s views on such issues.

One man came out, though. He proudly stepped forward and claimed to the world he is gay. But he ended up committing suicide. There was too much pressure everywhere. Football is not yet ready to accept such openness. His name is Justin Fashanu, he was taunted and bullied; just like a little kid in a big boys yard. In 1998, he committed suicide, In his suicide note, he stated: "I realised that I had already been presumed guilty. I do not want to give any more embarrassment to my friends and family." He was accused of molesting a young kid, and even before sufficient investigation was done, he was already branded a criminal because of his questionable sex. He was gay.

After that, a pro-homosexual community awareness was set up for football. The need for action was taken in consideration, and a few brave others came forth to fight for it. But after a few years, it slowed down to a trickle. It was not enough. Homosexuality still remains a stigma.

Just a few weeks ago, news came out of a football player who was sacked because it was found out that he was gay. His defence, “I only want to play football with my friends”. The fans were outraged. The higher-ups feathers were ruffled. Unhappy fans mean slower business; we must take action to appease them. They started a viral video campaign inviting the world’s biggest football stars to be a part of the video.

The result?

Discomfiture, Reluctance. And the video was postponed.

These stars lead the game to its heights of glory, but in issues regarding their fellow players’ sexuality, they are not brave enough to stand up and end this stigma. It is unfortunate, but so far, there are reasonable excuses for their disinclination. Gay, Faggot, Fairy, Poof, these words are the worst thing you can say about a football player, and it’s the lowest form of insult for them.

We look up to these players as our heroes, yet they are not brave enough to slay the dragons among them; these dragons which include the issues of homophobia and racism.

It seems football wants to take things one step at a time, right now, they are fighting for racism in a perfunctory manner. Team captains reading aloud, pre-made anti-racism essays is not enough to stop racism, if that is the way football’s governing body is handling that issue then how well do you imagine they would do the much more sensitive issue of homosexuality?

We cannot wait for these little baby steps of football towards these issues, big steps must be taken. They must be brave enough to tackle this issue actively because homophobia exists, they cannot deny it nor can they hide it. It will come out. And day by day, these issues are taking on a snowball effect. Anti-gay abuses, taunts, and bullying do happen. Even just plain accusations are enough to shatter a man’s psyche, enough for him to walk out of football because of humiliation. Active support must be done. Actions have long been overdue. Fans everywhere are campaigning for the cause. We need the players to step forth and support their fellow team mates; we need the Football Association to permanently remove the stigma. We need change now. 

A taste of Mango Yema

I wandered aimlessly in my mind as I looked at the day's memories for a topic. My day started really well. I woke up just as the alarm started going off, and then I pushed the snooze button and fell asleep again. I had this dream that I was back in high school and embarking on a great adventure. of course I wanted to see what happens next so I slept again. I was jolted awake by noises outside the room, sleepily took a look at the time and without even thinking, jumped off the bed and bathed in a record time of 10 minutes. Don't ask. I have this very special ability to do things in an impulsive, thoughtless manner. 

I hate my course and it usually takes a very special something to make me sit up and listen and really care about lectures. i guess I still have a drop of care left for humanity as I listened well to the lectures in Emergency Nursing. The concepts are well presented and since I seem to have found hope yet again on this terrible journey towards graduation, I took it to heart. We're on to bandaging and what keeps running around in my mind at that moment was that: I could help someone someday. Wow. I was astounded at my idealistic humanitarianism. I still care, apparently. I am not deluded into thinking that I'd be a great nurse, but I could still feel the possibility that there exists a non-cynical part of my mind that actually wants to help people. 

There could be salvation. 

So where does mango yema fit in all these self realization? Well, we went to Robinsons and tasted it and loved it. My taste buds have found another nirvana. 

I would love to write about the beauty of the night, But I feel my words may come lacking in spirit.
How could i describe the moon's beauty in words that would give justice to its splendor?
I could find no words to tell about the invisible stars, hidden by the lights of this great metropolis.
There is the darkness in the sky, so vast, so endless, but my depth in words are lacking.
I would love to give an ode to this night sky, but i'll stop now, before I ruin its beauty with my meaningless babble.

I bow to these Great Pinoy Writers

I've lived here for 20 years and so far, only 4 writers have impressed me. Patricia Evangelista, Jim Paredes, Bob Ong and Jessica Zafra. They do not deliver the news, they deliver opinions about the news or about the Phulippines. And I love writers who are not afraid to speak out and do something about it. They are not only great thinkers but also part of our society's movers and shakers because they communicated it to us throught the written word.

I first saw Patricia Evangelista on TV. When she was being interviewed by Boy Abunda for winning a Public Speaking competition abroad. The title of her winning piece made an impression on my mind, Blonde and Blue Eyes. That piece talked about the Filipino's unexplainable desire for Americanization, it's as if we look up to them like they are the most beautiful, and we are ugly. That piece was wonderful, and the way she spoke about it made you know that she feels it too, she empathizes because she once felt that way. Not anymore. Because she found beauty in being herself, and she wants the rest of us to feel that way too.

BOB ONG. I looked and looked for his website but alas, I could not find it anymore. But I do have the physical evidences of his existence; his books! He writes in tagalog, with all the jejemon and slang terms you could hear spoken by the ordinary folk. He has no inhibitions of being somewhat superior than us, he is one of us, he could be that lasenggero in the corner store, that DOTA guy in the internet cafe, he could be anyone and through his writing, he has become a representation of every Filipino. his writings has a sardonic taste to it, it's like being jabbed in the side, our culture as Filipino's expressed in the written word and in our mother language. He makes us laugh, but with that a realization that yeah, we are like this, but we should be PROUD of it because that makes us Filipinos. We are UNIQUE.

Jim Paredes, on the other hand, I've known for his songs. I didn't realize he could write as well as he could sing, if even better. He had that eye opening approach to writing which I loved reading because his thoughts expressed exactly how I felt (in a non-violent way heheh) about the recent Philippine issues. He is also part of a movement called the Artists' revolution calling for a change within ourselves.

Now, another author whose books I've been trying to collect (but our bookstores seem to have limited supply of her books) and read is Jessica Zafra. Rawr. She is that lady in black glasses. I love her work because she writes so well, her pieces are all witty and entertaining and I think that it's such a great talent to have that because wit in writing is so scarce nowadays.

I look up to these people, I hope I get to be like them someday.

My life revolves around these three letters: WWW

Ah, the beauty of the world wide web. There's so many unchartered regions to discover! So many sites to explore! And you can even make your own island in the middle of it all. Where in the real world could you make that sort of thing? Nowhere but here in the WWW!

That sounded like a sucky commercial byline. I just realized that since I have so much time on my hands, time I got by escaping the school's sucky intramurals. My real life sucks because I exist like a floating piece of plastic, I go wherever the wind takes me. That's not such a great thing for someone like me. I do have dreams and aspirations but due to constricting circumstances....here I am. Escapism is my mantra every day. I could get through this if I have my dreams with me. Someday, i hold that promise to myself, someday.

thank goodness I still got this little piece of freedom, this access to the great beyond. A freedom to be more than what I am through the web. Plus I get free music and movies. : )

So, i'll take all this suckiness in life, as long as I get to have that promise of SOMEDAY.
Ugh, sucky commercial byline again.