forever a nerd

Got my first paycheck (from my part time online job) and the first thing I could think of is, "What book should i buy?". It's not quite a large amount so I'll have to budget it but then again, it's my first paycheck from doing something I love=writing. :)

the story of my first story

I wrote my first story when I was 12 years old. It was for a school writing assignment. I wanted to impress my English teacher because she was kind of like Miss Jenny in Matilda. I had a lot of favourite teachers when I was in grade school but this English teacher (who I could not remember the name today, but I remember her as an indistinct, plump figure with curly hair and a kind smile—she was just a substitute then) was my most favourite of them all. So we were told to write a short story as our final assignment for that school year and I wanted to write the best story ever but I ended up consuming an entire notebook plus a few pages of writing paper attached haphazardly to the notebook, it was not a short story. I thought everyone was impressed by my efforts; they kept borrowing to read it and said it was real good. Of course, we were sixth graders back then so it’s not really as impressive as it sounds. I found out my teacher never checked the notebooks. She placed them in a cupboard and allowed dust to gather until I unearthed them and saved the notebooks from oblivion. I was bitterly disappointed and vowed never to put that kind of effort in school projects thus the procrastination started. It was not my first story, I’ve been constructing stories in my mind since I learned how to think aka since I started reading books. Sometimes they are stories from books I’m reading, when I’m not fully satisfied with the stories and wanted to add a bit of a personal touch to them, hence the editing started. My mind is like the universe where I travel in my own personal TARDIS to different times, dimensions and worlds (since I can't deal with reality that well). COOL.COOL.COOL

B.U.M.

I am currently living the bum life.

• B – Boring
• U – Uh-oh
• M – Maddening

Bum. But there’s always a silver lining for every dark cloud which hovers, Eeyore-like, over my head. 

   11  Realizations

1.  I have had two boyfriends but I have never been on an official date. (The date that involves dining out, talking, and getting to know each other) Not a single date.
2.   I used to think that I could live under a rock forever. Living the Patrick Star life of sleep, eat, tv/internet, eat and sleep. Now I don’t. Life is for living and staying inside my room for a million years does not seem like a good prospect now.
3.   I am desperate for a job. I want to try out writing. I never realized how serious i was about writing as a career until I started applying for writing jobs and getting rejected in every single one.
4.   I need books. Books are my companions. I need them as much as I need air, water and food. It is vital that I read or else I’ll go stupid.
5.   I became stupid. Wow, I miss lectures. So much that I started listening to online lectures about English, Literature, Art and philosophy. If I ever get the chance to study again, I’d definitely take them up.
6. §  Writing is difficult. When I was younger, I have this idea of myself as a Superman-Writer. I could write anything and everything. Just give me pen and paper and I‘d write. Now that I’m older I realize that I am a Clark Kent too. By day I am ordinary and when the world is getting desperate, Superman comes out.
7.   Money matters. In life it does. It helps keep the world going. Yes it does not make the world go round by itself but it is one important factor. Gone are the days when bargaining things for skills could keep you alive. Now you need money.
8.   Never count your chicks before they are hatched. ‘Tis true what the famous line says; if you forget a life lesson it will keep coming back until you’ve put it to heart. I am cocky because I can write and speak better than most people. It is a heady talent to be able to do that among my peers, of course reality comes to give you a much needed bitch slap; there will always be someone lesser and better than  you so away with the cockiness.
9.   Hate is vitriol. You can love a person but that does not mean you have to like her. I am irritated by stupidity. I fear stupidity because it is crippling. Stupidity will make me a lesser person, stupidity will not make me appreciate great novels, stupidity will hinder my learning and stupidity will cripple my writing. Stupidity is a choice. Never choose stupidity.
10.   Failure is inevitable. Especially after College. I have tried thrice and have failed thrice. Third time was never the charm. I have doubted myself and I have consoled myself.
11. Keep going. I tell myself to do just that. My wallpaper says, “What’s holding you back?” My fears, self doubts, insecurities. Now that the question has been answered, i now pose a challenge to myself; Everyone deserves a chance to fly. So I will.

there.

“Writing is a form of therapy; sometimes I wonder how all those, who do not write, compose, or paint can manage to escape the madness, the melancholia, the panic fear, which is inherent in a human condition.”

—	Graham Greene