i want you too!

Music saves my Soul

i love my itunes playlists!
I go from noisy rock (angry)
to happy rock (anger dying down)
to melancholy songs (calm but feeling down)
to hopeful sounding ones (when i need to uplift myself)
and finally to bopper-songs (when i feel like i'm ready to conquer the world again!)

i swear i heard this all before...in real life

“Blair Waldorf: Do you… ‘like’ me?

Chuck Bass: Define like.

Blair Waldorf: You have got to be kidding me.

Chuck Bass: How do you think I feel? I can’t sleep! I feel sick, like there’s something in my stomach… fluttering.

[disgusted]

Blair Waldorf: Butterflies? Oh no, no, no, no no.

[horrified]”

—	Blair & Chuck

Mouth Shut

When I'm too tired to talk about it, I just shut up and let it run its course and when I'm ready I'll confront it.

But until then, leave me alone. 

"I have no illusions about my looks. I think my face is funny."

 I was asked to act when I couldn't act. I was asked to sing 'Funny Face' when I couldn't sing, and dance with Fred Astaire when I couldn't dance - and do all kinds of things I wasn't prepared for. Then I tried like mad to cope with it.

Audrey Hepburn 

What do you call beautiful? A tree. You'll look like a tree.

loud.

Walking in High Heels

If I add up all the money I've spent buying earphones for the last two months, I could have spent enough money to buy one pair that'll last far longer than the others did. But why do I keep buying the cheap stuff? Because I keep hoping that they'll be good enough to last more than the others did. In the end though, they don't. What is the relevance of this post to the photos featured above and below? Nothing. Except that i'm ranting to filter all the unneeded stuff so I can really write about something related to these two photos: women+fashion+society's view of its stereotype. 

I think my mind's clamor has died down, so here I go...

My favorite pair of shoes has always been of the high heeled variety. It's shiny and red and looks just like the photo below. I like it so much even if I teeter around on it like a baby who just started to learn how to walk. But I love it. I feel like that child, who just learned what walking is. That feeling of liberation when you could stand and walk around like all the others do. I like that feeling. There's some magic about these pair of shoes. I love how shiny it looks, I love that it's heels make me look and feel taller. I love how I stand up straighter when I'm wearing it. What I learned when I got older that its not wrong to love high heels. When I was younger, I hated high heels. I think they represent the stereotype that society has on women. That's why I preferred rubber shoes. I even wear them with skirts, in a severe act of defiance and fashion faux pas. Obviously, I learned better. There are women who promote feminism without looking like the worst for wear. It's good to make a statement. You don't just have to say the good stuff, you have to look good too.

I even read the magazines now. My tastes still discriminate though, as I prefer only some variety. What I love about fashion is that they know how to move with the times. They are constantly changing along with time. When people learned to recognize the impending disaster brought about by stick thin models, the industry moved forth with a campaign to ditch the models who are underweight. Effective immediately, this movement caused a lot of strife among their ranks. But it was to be done, because the people demanded it, times are changing, and so must they. The fashion world is a cut throat world, you must be thin, but now, there is a limit to how thin. 

A few weeks ago, I've read an article about how most magazines Photoshop (it's a verb, now, yes!) the models so they'll look a little "fuller" in the photos. Yes, my dear anorectic friends, they do that now. The demands for stick thin models have diminished. Eventually, it will come to the time when Marilyn Monroe-esque bodies shine again. And I can't wait for that because, i have constantly been called fat, which I know I'm not. Having a curvy body does not define fat. Fat is so derogatory when used that way, with malice in it. But guess what, fat gives shape to the body. And no, I would not like a body that's like stick thin models because I know for a fact that Victoria's Secret's models are a little curvier too. (Seriously, who'd want to buy lingerie with anorectic models' showing ribs and jutting bones). Unluckily enough for about 70% of the girls, fat will always be defined by society as those who are not stick thin enough. Idiotic indeed. But I wish women would get over what society thinks. If you're happy with your body, then so be it. Let them eat cake! I'd love to let them see how models look in real life, like walking lollipops. (I don't hate all models, just the stereotype anorectic thin ones) I absolutely dislike the advent of Twiggy in the modeling world, she spawned all those stick thin ideals. I prefer the era of Monroe and Bardot, theirs are when women were happily curvy. Forget diet, seriously vegetables?! Not unless you're a herbivore or with chronic illness that requires special diet must you do that. It;s not even that healthy, fyi. You lack essential amino acids which you get from proteins=meat and energy=carbs/calories. You know what made me happier? because I have these friends who may tease me a lot about being fat, but they still love me for it and they don't push me to get thinner. plus this great guy, who-i-shall-name-once-something-happens liked me even if i am, as they call me, "fat". I usually range from 47-50kg hah! and no that's not fat. I love my body. Just the way it is, and everyone else can just (as Tina fey puts it) "suck it". 

best diet tip ever...LMAO

My Drug dependence. (That refers to YOU, FYI)

Are you struggling with a drug problem that’s spiraled out of control? If so, you may feel isolated, helpless, or ashamed. 

 This has spiraled out of control. I thought I had it all under wraps. But then again, I had several episodes of remission until I finally succumbed to it.

The path to drug addiction starts with experimentation. You  may have tried drugs out of curiosity, because friends were doing it, or in an effort to erase another problem. At first, the substance seems to solve the problem or make life better, so you use the drug more and more.

 The path to drug addiction paved the way for self destruction. I meant to be more independent but now, I depend on YOU for everything. Which just goes to show how utterly spineless I am. Yeah, it was all rainbows and unicorns at first, but then it started to ruin that system I built when you were gone before. the rollercoaster begins again.

 Myths about Drug Addiction and Substance Abuse

MYTH 1: Overcoming addiction is a simply a matter of willpower. You can stop using drugs if you really want to.

• ALL LIES! Willpower is usually the first thing to crumble. In my case, that is. 

MYTH 2: Addicts have to hit rock bottom before they can get better. 

• I've been hitting rock bottom so many times I've lost count, but still I don't get better. 

MYTH 3: Treatment didn’t work before, so there’s no point trying again; some cases are hopeless.

• This isn't true! I'm still holding out hope that there could be an effective treatment out there and I have yet to discover or try it. I don't need time nor space (Since those two just make me miss more) but I need diversionary activity so powerful I eventually forget.

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And this is the part where I realize I could be offending some people by comparing my predicament with drug addiction. See how utterly lame I've become?!
And I've been listening to the same two songs for an hour because of the nostalgic feeling they give me.


I'm sick with it again.