Words

“Your own words are the bricks and mortar of the dreams you want to realize. Your words are the greatest power you have. The words you choose and their use establish the life you experience.” 

– Sonia Choquette.

B.U.M.

I am currently living the bum life.

• B – Boring
• U – Uh-oh
• M – Maddening

Bum. But there’s always a silver lining for every dark cloud which hovers, Eeyore-like, over my head. 

   11  Realizations

1.  I have had two boyfriends but I have never been on an official date. (The date that involves dining out, talking, and getting to know each other) Not a single date.
2.   I used to think that I could live under a rock forever. Living the Patrick Star life of sleep, eat, tv/internet, eat and sleep. Now I don’t. Life is for living and staying inside my room for a million years does not seem like a good prospect now.
3.   I am desperate for a job. I want to try out writing. I never realized how serious i was about writing as a career until I started applying for writing jobs and getting rejected in every single one.
4.   I need books. Books are my companions. I need them as much as I need air, water and food. It is vital that I read or else I’ll go stupid.
5.   I became stupid. Wow, I miss lectures. So much that I started listening to online lectures about English, Literature, Art and philosophy. If I ever get the chance to study again, I’d definitely take them up.
6. §  Writing is difficult. When I was younger, I have this idea of myself as a Superman-Writer. I could write anything and everything. Just give me pen and paper and I‘d write. Now that I’m older I realize that I am a Clark Kent too. By day I am ordinary and when the world is getting desperate, Superman comes out.
7.   Money matters. In life it does. It helps keep the world going. Yes it does not make the world go round by itself but it is one important factor. Gone are the days when bargaining things for skills could keep you alive. Now you need money.
8.   Never count your chicks before they are hatched. ‘Tis true what the famous line says; if you forget a life lesson it will keep coming back until you’ve put it to heart. I am cocky because I can write and speak better than most people. It is a heady talent to be able to do that among my peers, of course reality comes to give you a much needed bitch slap; there will always be someone lesser and better than  you so away with the cockiness.
9.   Hate is vitriol. You can love a person but that does not mean you have to like her. I am irritated by stupidity. I fear stupidity because it is crippling. Stupidity will make me a lesser person, stupidity will not make me appreciate great novels, stupidity will hinder my learning and stupidity will cripple my writing. Stupidity is a choice. Never choose stupidity.
10.   Failure is inevitable. Especially after College. I have tried thrice and have failed thrice. Third time was never the charm. I have doubted myself and I have consoled myself.
11. Keep going. I tell myself to do just that. My wallpaper says, “What’s holding you back?” My fears, self doubts, insecurities. Now that the question has been answered, i now pose a challenge to myself; Everyone deserves a chance to fly. So I will.

Football keeps me up at night and early on the next day.

11:00 on a Sunday night and I am faithfully stationed in front of my computer, waiting for live streams from football matches around Europe. Time and date ceases to matter. My state of anxiety is on the moderate scale; focus narrowed on only this game and nothing more beyond that. This is my life right now. And if things go as I planned, I'd be doing the same thing in the future. Maybe even be writing about it as a professional. God I love football. So much passion and life in one sport. It keeps me alive during the dull dreary moments of my life. 

The above photo is my future workplace(one could dream). I've been a fan of Opta for a while now and I've loved how they get the most accurate statistics about football to keep fans and journalists informed. One of my favorite bloggers got a visit to the headquarters and he tweeted that it had monitors where you can watch and compare videos of any and all things related to football. Imagine that. Simply heaven. 

I often find my dreams constricted by the confines of reality. 

That We Live In A Third World Country

To all the dreamers, who were once allowed to dream. 

To all the well wishers, fairy godmother believers, falling star hopefuls.

And to the unhappy.  

This is for you.  

I have decided to write about the injustice of it all. We were born in this country, a nation mostly of the poor. We grow up hearing about the wonders of dreams. They take you anywhere, we were told. Just BELIEVE. And we did just that. We believed, and wished and prayed that one day, we will achieve our dreams. We learned in High School that we must have a career path. Plans were made, choices done and ideal future jobs dreamed about. In the midst of all the wonderful chaos, we are subtly reminded of something. It's that niggling sensation at the back of your mind, reminding you of something you might have forgotten. Reality strikes and you come face to face not with what you want or need but what your parents and the rest of your family silently demands. This is not of a career that you love, that penniless job which makes you happy because of the self fulfillment it offers, but of the money.

One day, nursing boomed here. Not long after, schools started bursting forth like mushrooms, the demand was high for nursing education and we can supply nursing institutions. Money pouring out of your parents pockets into the ones of the somewhat opportunistic schools. Your parents have dreams for you, this is to pay the debts they acquired for you education, the money needed by your siblings for their education. Look at her daughter, she works abroad, what big house they have! You feel the pressure growing and you succumb, It is after all, your responsibility.

There are so many situations like this all over the Philippines. It is not only Nursing, but in other courses too. But in my experience, nursing is where you can find the least, the most and the uninterested. The most brilliant people go for nursing, the doctors you knew of then are now studying nursing. The least interested in a medical course is here too. They are the artists of every kind. Their art restricted because it does not pay. And then there are the uninterested. They have ceased to care. 

Dreams crushed. Dreams trampled. Dreams killed.

Reality.

We live in a third world country. And this country needs money. Everyone needs money. money, money, money, money. Forget your dreams, money comes first. 

Money. 

Now, if only I had it, I'd be living in somewhere like France. I'd be a pauper there. I wouldn't mind. As long as nobody demands me to give them money, money, money. 

climbing my ladder...