happy

And now here I am
Ready to stand on top of the world
Scream at the top of my lungs
Raise my arms high above
Jump so high I could fly
Leap a billion miles to reach my dreams
I have passed
Something that might seem so simple
And yet to me is so big a deal
I have passed
I have conquered
In my own little world
This existence that battled against the evil that was failure
I have passed
No one can take it away from me now


I want to run so far just because I can
I want to scream and dance because in want to
I want to kiss and hug because I need to let them feel
These feelings I know that’s inside me
Wanting to get out and envelope everyone in the same happiness I feel

mine

The pain reminds me of everything I have to lose when I lose this chance
This last chance to prove I’m more than meets the eye
The eye that judges so harshly with just the outer layers of a person
The person that must prove his worth to live a worthy life
A life that may or may not be what it seems to be


So full of dreams and hopes as we come to the real world
The real world so wrapped in disillusions
Disillusions that bring us down, so deep that we may never get up
Get up to bring forth more dreams but this time tinged with harsh reality
Harsh reality that makes the wonderful so mediocre

But life always has its saving grace that brings hope
Hope that makes all the sufferings worthwhile because of the uncertainty of the future
The future which we decide for ourselves, that which we can change
The change that will make or break us or turn us back to where we were before

stars and the night sky

underneath a blanket of stars
amidst the harsh city lights
the quiet of the stillness of the night sky
the noise and hubbub of the city highways
i learn to feel the rhythm of both worlds
the haste, the stillness blend together
that peaceful feeling of sweet surrender
never more can you find a better reality
than what we have and what we might get
to seem surreal
yet act so real
amidst this vast expanse of the universe
towards time which lasts for years to come

don't just speak up, BE HEARD!

how will you ever let them hear what you want to be heard when all you do is speak up at quite a moderate volume? Nowadays, it's not really just the content of what you're really saying that matters, it's also the loudness of your voice. So SAY IT LOUDER! and then, you'll be heard.

a new hope

to speak as if you've never spoken

to listen as if you've never heard
to look as if you've never seen
to laugh as if you've never laughed

the life and love of old has been forgotten
we have what we are now
we have
and we will keep on having
the future may seem uncertain
but the present is what we make
these things they may deem unworthy
but we choose to make it worthy

we are what we have now,
we choose to have
we will have them
and in the end not just be content
but happier than we were then

say no to stress

I miss days like these when there seems to be a hand stopping the impending doom that we call school. Life is a little too hectic for me right now, like a car on full speed without brakes; only one way to go: we crash and burn. But then again, we have the ingenuous creation called the internet where we can just simply CHILL. **sigh, feelings of bliss...tomorrow is too far away. What matters is right here and right now.

har-di-har

the victimized student

Apparently, we are martyrs doomed to the life-less existence.
I am resigned to the fact that this school needs not only sweat and tears but blood itself to survive. It needs not only sleepless nights but also hunger, thirst, and beating up our bodies just to be able to comply.
There is only one thing that I fear in the future
That these sufferings may be in vain
Because we cannot apply it in real life.

galing kai bob ong

“Ayokong nasasanay sa mga bagay na pwede namang wala sa buhay ko.”

a quote

"I still feel like a castaway, the last of a once numerous species. It was as though Robinson Crusoe discovered the telltale footprint on the beach and then realized that it was his own. Myself, small as a leaf, thin as water, begins to cry."

What faith can keep us strong?

What's so good about having something to believe in? a god, an idol, an image. Anything to keep us believing. Who said we have to see to believe? Who said we have to believe in order to see? These days, faith gets stripped off of its mystique, leaving it bare for cruel eyes to see. We chose what we believe, but sometimes, our beliefs chooses us. We lose sense of faith, we lose that freedom to chose. We blindly stumble into one belief to another. What if we simply choose to not believe; to leave it all behind and just be an empty slate. Will we still be as strong as we want to believe?

disillusions

The final days of dreams running freely
end with the promise of a new tomorrow
yet they linger as they once were
A fleeting memory of what would have been
The promised tomorrow failed miserably
We stumble and fall
we get torn by harsh realities
The life and love of late seem to disappear
what's left are remnants of mostly dissipated angst
Despair runs deep
seeping into the depths of one's soul
tearing away what's left behind
leaving wounds that turn to scars
scars that remain to be so cruel

contemplations of an uncertain mind

we don't know what we're going for...
we are here and now
we are unattentive to future uncertainties
the goals we live by are short and uncertain
we can look but we do not see
where are we going?
are we going somewhere or nowhere at all?
will we be something?
or do we remain to be nothing?

Hidden Goodbyes

When the last of the leaves in autumn fall
I look around to find you nowhere at all
The trace of your sweet scent is undetected
The everyday minutiae blends in with the last of your traces
You are gone
Gone forever you are
The sweet touch of your hand
The last remnants of the feel of you next to me
It lasts for so long in my memory
But time, and time again
Erases them all

miscellanea

random thoughts..
random doubts...
random needs

the story of my day

The morning was filled with expectations and excitement for the task to come. We were so ready to take on the challenge of a community assembly which our class organized. Everything from the food, tablecloth, dissemination, freebies, presentations and visual aids was prepared with great care.

Our efforts were not wasted because WE ROCKED!

Our guest instructors told us that the event was a success!

Well of course not everything came perfectly.

There was the teeny-tiny problem of the time for starting.

It was quite annoying since we told the residents that we’d start at 9.30am but they changed the time to 9.00am! So we have to go back and inform them AGAIN! It’s quite tiring, really, really tiring to go climbing up mountains, I didn’t want to go and return sweaty so Evan and me went to the place with the monkey. Surprise, surprise…we found the native twins (Sheilla and Honey) chiilin’ at the top of the hill, in the shaded area of course! And some of our classmates were also hanging out in the store, eating and drinking junk. We joined them, of course, we can’t resist Super Crunch and Ding Dongs.

My only regret was that we couldn’t stay at the videoke place (2 songs for p5.00!!!!) since we’d be heard over at the basketball court.

 

---program begins here---

There were only three notable things about the program,

First

The “Single Ladies” dance presentation of Mars, Jim and Doms

Second

The “Balot” commercial, it’s classic (since first year!)

Third

Chelle and Charly’s Reflection dance interpretation…very amusing! 

 

Three annoying things that happened

first

lack of seats

second

untimely handing out of snacks, grrr, most of them are

goblins indeed!

third

i only got one sandwich! hmpf!

oh, there’s a fourth one!

My nametag that says, “Hi, I’m Carma…group leader” embarrassing! (*because it means I have to work and pretend to be responsible, heheh*)

 

 

It ended quite well, one of my clients received a prize! Yehy! Good for her!

Went home tired and happy and ignorant of what will come in the afternoon…doom-doom-doom…

Hahah, so I came in quite early and Karen and me went out to do our daily ritual of buying food. We met Sheilla the native, Jordell the sleepy, Princess of jellyfish and Aia, who we tried to fool…and we ended up as fools indeed when we came back to the room, bearing halo-halo and iced teas. The door was closed, I opened it and grinned happily at everyone (they were so few..) Suddenly, V told us to “do not enter the room”. She was quite insistent about it, sending some boys to close the unclosable doors but we were okay with it…heheh, we knew there were others coming. They did come and we outnumbered the people inside the room! SO we loitered in the lobby and played pranks on the peopel inside who were trying not to laugh at our antics. We had a photo shoot right there until V lost her temper and told us to stay away from the lobby.

We are obedient children so we loitered in the stairs and continued our photo shoot! (and dissed HER)

We we were so not concerned about missing that! It was more eventful outside, the people inside were just eating egg sandwiches (leftovers from our CA).

In conclusion, It was a GREAT day!

xoxo

Movie marathon

—from February 11 to February 15

 

BoyC’s DVD

• Australia-lukewarm
• bolt-cool!
• the day the earth stood still-too much of a cliché to be fully enjoyed
• Marley and me-cool!
• yes man-lukewarm
• Igor-bore
• Benjamin button-hot!

Mine!

• serendipity-fave!
• a good year-fave!
• catch and release-lukewarm
• the break-up-lukewarm
• Kate and Leopold-fave!
• music and lyrics-cool!
• the lake house-cool!

period

So, i finally got over the blues. It’s the stage I have to go through every time i have my period. I wonder why it’s called a period anyway, it implies something different. The term is not enough to describe the discomfort of the whole thing. It is one of the banes of womanhood; aside from pregnancy and boobs (It’s not fair! Boys should get bigger boobs too! *kidding*)

The experience is alike to a phoenix…hah!

Not really, it’s just a pretty horrible time for me. People seeing the sulky, moody, wet blanket side of me. I am myself, still. But not the cheerful, ready for battle, tactless (geesh…) and fun loving Carma. Just the horrible girl who just wants to stay in a corner and brood.

Ah, well.

Activities of the day:

6.10am woke up

6.11am napping

6.15am stood up dizzily to go and bath sleepily

6.30am stood around dreamily

6.35am daily girly stuff

6.50am get out of room

7.01am arrived at classroom

7.03am fights, gossip, teasing, waiting

7.30am the SO vs. SV debate

7.50am SO won, well of course, he’s hot! i was rooting for him!

8.30am? jeepney ride

8.35am thrill ride!!!

8.45am health center

8.50am boring ride downhill

9.20am arrived at laguerta

9.30am information dissemination

10.15am return

11.30am the (*&09% jeepney is late

11.50am school, thank god!

12.05pm maimah brings lechon and the roll-y thing

12.30-3pm forgettable events

4.05pm SO time!

.

.

.

.

.

5.48pm home!

6.20pm laundry

6.40pm LFD

6.47pm blogging

6.57pm fin!

xoxo

HAPPY HEARTS Day

Part of the Nursing Days and we had quite a lot of work to do so here we are…being good students…*sigh*

We were part of the Amazing Race committee ( Team B won!)

And also of the backdrops for Pinoy games and Miss nursing, geez…

Actually, I forgot what happened on valentines…I just remembered these pictures were taken the day before valentines day!

--b’s best!--

--First station blockade!?!--

--best chart ever!--

--our work!--

--girls, we rock--

--Jim’s helping head?!--

 

--chuck and my alter ego, blair!--

happy heart’s day!

xoxo

 

The best way to eat fries…

…share it with old pals!

We had such a great time at Jollibee! I know, the place is such a cliché, but who cares?! We had a blast anyway, just chatting and updating ourselves on our lives.

Even if Nikka’s room is just around the corner, we still don’t get to meet and talk like that everyday!

Wish we’d all meet together…the Rebelles!

I miss Alice too!

xoxo

 

Be…

I look along the endless line, squinting in the sunshine. I’m eighteen years old. I can go anywhere. Do anything. Be anyone I like.

breakdown

Friday, at about quarter to three,  I yelled at my friend.

It’s a big deal since I don’t yell.

Except if it’s my sisters, but just a controlled yell.

Yesterday, it was like something snapped and I just had to go say it.

But I felt better afterwards, so it must have been a good thing.

For me, anyway…

 

BUsay adventure…

 So maybe I wasn’t going to do my health teaching today, but that doesn’t mean I don’t get to enjoy the place as much as I can! So we went hiking, again, towards the tubod…but this time around, we continued going to the road less taken. It was indeed an adventure and no words of mine could describe the experience fully.

 

 

(all my vocab  has been exhausted from doing LFDs which are so dull)

 

 

 

 

 

OPERATION TIMBANG!

F is for friends who do stuff together, U is for U and Me, N is for nothing!

Operation Timbang was a success, a lot of kids came with their mothers and even without (One kid was writing down her name, she even forgot her last name)! Our favorite is Mariel aka Eva Fonda! lol. And Lindsay too. These kids have uber cool names even if they live in that area! Our group was assigned for documentation, that just means taking pictures of everyone...candidly or not. A lot of kids cried...even eva fonda so I had to give her my piece of bread even though i'm starving...aw, generous much? not really. hehe.

We were all so tired and sweaty at the end of the activity but we had fun so it was all worth it.

Here's looking at you, kids!

xoxo

Junk food mania

I have managed to keep away from junk food for a week, now that I’m eating it again, i will eat more and more and more. Until I regurgitate and lose my interest in junk food again.

about a girl

     Perhaps one of the trickiest things to do is to write about a friend. A pen could easily spew poison from its tips. But this composition refrains from executing treason against a cherished comrade. Even the truth, in this circumstance, is not enough. This damsel has proved that she is no longer in distress. So this manuscript will express not the unblemished facts but the writer’s version of the facts about this particular lady. I have composed an introduction to this essay, but I have not yet placed in writing the maiden’s name. Is this because her name is confidential? No. The reason behind behind this cloak-and-dagger affair is simple. You might already know her! The worst thing that could happen is that your perception about her will cloud your reasoning. It is important that you see the maiden through my eyes, or else this personality sketch will be a waste of ink and paper.

     A lot can be said about this lady. One thing, she’s no lady! But she is a girl in the true sense of the word. I suppose only females would understand the distinction but you get kudos for trying! Another thing, when she reads the latter, her forehead will crease and you can almost see her brain work as she concentrates hard to comprehend the message I want to express. Moving to her brain, it is stunning. Not that i have seen it, but I have witnessed its glorious feats. I will say no more about the matter since more information will bring light as to who she really is. This damsel loves fun. Making fun of me, of herself, and of others. In a good way, of course! It is, after all, human nature. Her aura radiates a natural affability that endears her to a lot of people. But it was not always that way, she acquired it by overcoming her self-doubts and timidity. I am proud to say that i have witnesses this metamorphosis. Truly, one of life’s greatest pleasures is to witness this event and perhaps even helped her out. Some things never change and there are two things that time has not altered. One is her kind heart and the other, her obsessive-compulsive behavior towards schoolwork. As W.H. Davies would say, “We love thee for a heart that’s kind- Not for the knowledge in thy mind.” But we love you just the same, obsessive-compulsiveness aside. Every person loves a joke, but isn’t it better if you cracked a joke and everyone laughs? It’s worth a try and for this damsel, trying is worth a lot but eventually, her jokes got better compared to past “attempts”.Maybe one day, we will hear a really good one. Good enough to break some ribs!

 

     A denouement is a lovely piece to end mysterious dramas and reveal the sun hiding behind dark clouds of gloom. Now that you’ve had a nibble of a tidbit of our damsel’s personality, I can finally tell you who’s who. Compare your perceptions to mine and see if we do arrive at the same conclusion, that Karen Joyce Gaspe is the best best friend you can have.

A taste of mayhem

This takes the record for being the first hectic week of the new year. Monday started with the onrush to complete requirements. We braved the slippery roads just to interview a client in the household, we managed to gain confidence we didn’t have before just to get 4 family’s. That night was even more stressful, i have to complete the data in 4 assessment forms which are 3 pages, back to back each. Stressful? Not yet! I still have to study for the midterm exam in history. I was so tired that I slept at around 1am and the insomnia kicked in. This morning, it took quite al lot of effort just to get myself out of bed. At school, we have to collate and tabulate the specifics form our assessment forms. that’s from 27 students and each student has about 3 assessment forms each and some even have 5! I was so excited to see the end of this day. Thank God, our teacher for economics didn’t show up, but she did give us an assignment to be submitted before the end of the final period. It was toiling. So difficult to come up with explanations why these things about the Philippine’s rotten judicial system and meddling of the church happen. It’s so cliché. The midterm test was easier than I expected, I hope to gain at least 50 percent of the total grade since i didn’t study much, I don’t have high hopes for that subject. And oh, just 2 and a half hours before the day ends and I still have to finish writing my LFD, assignment for lit, Polsci research English write-up, and we have a test for lit! My back aches, I'm getting a carpal tunnel sickness but I'd rather procrastinate than face what’s in store for me.

ugh.

xoxo

girl in question

Okay, so I now understand how it is that the poor love struck girl is too struck to even realize that she’s struck! I can’t explain much but usually, she has great friends and people who love her who gives her good advice but she doesn’t take it because she is too blinded by her feelings! The girl in question knows deep inside that everything will go wrong with the relationship but she struggles to keep it going because she is too afraid to let go; meaning that she doesn’t want to live a barren existence and realize in the end that the guy in question is her soul mate. It isn’t true in all cases, of course, the girl in question is experiencing what I call faux-love where she falls hard for a guy in question believing it is the real thing but the truth is that it never is! It’s just a misconception that leads to heart aches on both parties concerned. The catalyst in this type of faux love is the level of maturity. It just explains everything…the commitment factor, the my-friends-have-to-go-first-since-they’ve-been-with-me-longer-than-you drama, the influx of insecurity due to lack of proofs of undying love an devotion and in summation, BS. Because there was never any real love to speak of in the first place, it’s all a mirage created by the thirst for something meaningful in a teenager’s life, to create a production influenced by the numerous masterpieces of love-lost-and-then-found scenarios created by the media to entice and then fool teenagers into thinking that love in times of adolescent uncertainty will solve such matters, when in fact, it will only make things worse for all the parties involved.

A good question to ask all the girls in question out there is:

Do you love him or do you love the idea of him?

 

glimpse of busay!