Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.

Huh? No idea. 

It's just that my head hurts right now and I've just discovered disturbing facts about friendship.

One, 

When a person becomes a friend, no matter who she turns out to be, she'll still be your friend.

Two,

When stuck between two opposing entities, it's hard to not want to talk about the other in their presence.

Three,

Squabbles happen, sometimes, even in the worst of it all, you'd have to choose who to believe. And no, this does not mean you go against the other.

Four,

Friendship is an anchor. It keeps you from drifting away.

Five,

Friendship is one of the strongest bonds on earth, those ionic,covalent bonds they've discussed in chemistry? They are NOTHING compared to friendship. No other chemicals can interact so well as evidenced by friendship, and none can compare to how easily it breaks too.

Six,

Pride is a deadly sin. It's friendship's poison.

Seven,

It's so hard to not talk. It's so hard to be a friend to someone you feel has been wronged by another friend. It's so hard to see two people willing to forgo all the years of friendship. It's so wrong. 

Be friends already!

I miss you both.

I need ice cream.

frustrating.

I've always supported Schalke in the Bundesliga. I love the club fiercely but recently, my hopes have been dashed over and over and over again. The fact that Schalke seem to have lost the ability to play harmoniously on the pitch is depressing. I've seen their previous matches and as it was always painful to see my club fail. They have great players, look at Raul, Neuer, Uchida, Farfan, Howedes, Huntelaar, etc. But the disturbing thing is that they do not play well together. They lack defense, their lack a creative midfielder. It's almost like they do not want to win anything! I do not see any motivation! I want this club to win so badly because they've suffered enough losses and they need points so badly! what happened to the threatening club that almost toppled Bayern Munchen?! Did your spirit go the moment Kuranyi and Westermann left the club?! I get very emotional about these stuff and this match against BVB almost dissolved me to tears because they are failing to get even an equalizer. I can't stand to watch it! wtf. Sometimes, I wish players like Howedes and Neuer would just leave and go find bigger clubs. Damn. This is low even for me. FML.

Is Football Afraid of Gay Men?

On the field are 22 players of strong men. There are two teams, and on each one, 10 kick the ball around the field, 1 stays between the posts. The whistle blows, a red card is given. But to what you may ask?

To homophobia.

A recent news story broke about a football player who was fired from his club because he admitted being gay. This is just one of the few and rarely talked about taboos in football. Being gay is equated to committing a crime of treason to the beautiful game. The game is played by real men, it is manly, and it is not for lily livered men. It is exclusive for pure men alone. But is that how you really define men?

Male football players’ qualifications include that you can play football and male; so, if you put yourself in the gay category, you cannot play football. And if you do want to play, shut up about it.

This has been the way football has faced the issue of homosexuality for years now. It is a stigma, it must not be spoken about, and it is shameful.

Archaic, a word that aptly describes football’s views on such issues.

One man came out, though. He proudly stepped forward and claimed to the world he is gay. But he ended up committing suicide. There was too much pressure everywhere. Football is not yet ready to accept such openness. His name is Justin Fashanu, he was taunted and bullied; just like a little kid in a big boys yard. In 1998, he committed suicide, In his suicide note, he stated: "I realised that I had already been presumed guilty. I do not want to give any more embarrassment to my friends and family." He was accused of molesting a young kid, and even before sufficient investigation was done, he was already branded a criminal because of his questionable sex. He was gay.

After that, a pro-homosexual community awareness was set up for football. The need for action was taken in consideration, and a few brave others came forth to fight for it. But after a few years, it slowed down to a trickle. It was not enough. Homosexuality still remains a stigma.

Just a few weeks ago, news came out of a football player who was sacked because it was found out that he was gay. His defence, “I only want to play football with my friends”. The fans were outraged. The higher-ups feathers were ruffled. Unhappy fans mean slower business; we must take action to appease them. They started a viral video campaign inviting the world’s biggest football stars to be a part of the video.

The result?

Discomfiture, Reluctance. And the video was postponed.

These stars lead the game to its heights of glory, but in issues regarding their fellow players’ sexuality, they are not brave enough to stand up and end this stigma. It is unfortunate, but so far, there are reasonable excuses for their disinclination. Gay, Faggot, Fairy, Poof, these words are the worst thing you can say about a football player, and it’s the lowest form of insult for them.

We look up to these players as our heroes, yet they are not brave enough to slay the dragons among them; these dragons which include the issues of homophobia and racism.

It seems football wants to take things one step at a time, right now, they are fighting for racism in a perfunctory manner. Team captains reading aloud, pre-made anti-racism essays is not enough to stop racism, if that is the way football’s governing body is handling that issue then how well do you imagine they would do the much more sensitive issue of homosexuality?

We cannot wait for these little baby steps of football towards these issues, big steps must be taken. They must be brave enough to tackle this issue actively because homophobia exists, they cannot deny it nor can they hide it. It will come out. And day by day, these issues are taking on a snowball effect. Anti-gay abuses, taunts, and bullying do happen. Even just plain accusations are enough to shatter a man’s psyche, enough for him to walk out of football because of humiliation. Active support must be done. Actions have long been overdue. Fans everywhere are campaigning for the cause. We need the players to step forth and support their fellow team mates; we need the Football Association to permanently remove the stigma. We need change now. 

A taste of Mango Yema

I wandered aimlessly in my mind as I looked at the day's memories for a topic. My day started really well. I woke up just as the alarm started going off, and then I pushed the snooze button and fell asleep again. I had this dream that I was back in high school and embarking on a great adventure. of course I wanted to see what happens next so I slept again. I was jolted awake by noises outside the room, sleepily took a look at the time and without even thinking, jumped off the bed and bathed in a record time of 10 minutes. Don't ask. I have this very special ability to do things in an impulsive, thoughtless manner. 

I hate my course and it usually takes a very special something to make me sit up and listen and really care about lectures. i guess I still have a drop of care left for humanity as I listened well to the lectures in Emergency Nursing. The concepts are well presented and since I seem to have found hope yet again on this terrible journey towards graduation, I took it to heart. We're on to bandaging and what keeps running around in my mind at that moment was that: I could help someone someday. Wow. I was astounded at my idealistic humanitarianism. I still care, apparently. I am not deluded into thinking that I'd be a great nurse, but I could still feel the possibility that there exists a non-cynical part of my mind that actually wants to help people. 

There could be salvation. 

So where does mango yema fit in all these self realization? Well, we went to Robinsons and tasted it and loved it. My taste buds have found another nirvana. 

I would love to write about the beauty of the night, But I feel my words may come lacking in spirit.
How could i describe the moon's beauty in words that would give justice to its splendor?
I could find no words to tell about the invisible stars, hidden by the lights of this great metropolis.
There is the darkness in the sky, so vast, so endless, but my depth in words are lacking.
I would love to give an ode to this night sky, but i'll stop now, before I ruin its beauty with my meaningless babble.

I bow to these Great Pinoy Writers

I've lived here for 20 years and so far, only 4 writers have impressed me. Patricia Evangelista, Jim Paredes, Bob Ong and Jessica Zafra. They do not deliver the news, they deliver opinions about the news or about the Phulippines. And I love writers who are not afraid to speak out and do something about it. They are not only great thinkers but also part of our society's movers and shakers because they communicated it to us throught the written word.

I first saw Patricia Evangelista on TV. When she was being interviewed by Boy Abunda for winning a Public Speaking competition abroad. The title of her winning piece made an impression on my mind, Blonde and Blue Eyes. That piece talked about the Filipino's unexplainable desire for Americanization, it's as if we look up to them like they are the most beautiful, and we are ugly. That piece was wonderful, and the way she spoke about it made you know that she feels it too, she empathizes because she once felt that way. Not anymore. Because she found beauty in being herself, and she wants the rest of us to feel that way too.

BOB ONG. I looked and looked for his website but alas, I could not find it anymore. But I do have the physical evidences of his existence; his books! He writes in tagalog, with all the jejemon and slang terms you could hear spoken by the ordinary folk. He has no inhibitions of being somewhat superior than us, he is one of us, he could be that lasenggero in the corner store, that DOTA guy in the internet cafe, he could be anyone and through his writing, he has become a representation of every Filipino. his writings has a sardonic taste to it, it's like being jabbed in the side, our culture as Filipino's expressed in the written word and in our mother language. He makes us laugh, but with that a realization that yeah, we are like this, but we should be PROUD of it because that makes us Filipinos. We are UNIQUE.

Jim Paredes, on the other hand, I've known for his songs. I didn't realize he could write as well as he could sing, if even better. He had that eye opening approach to writing which I loved reading because his thoughts expressed exactly how I felt (in a non-violent way heheh) about the recent Philippine issues. He is also part of a movement called the Artists' revolution calling for a change within ourselves.

Now, another author whose books I've been trying to collect (but our bookstores seem to have limited supply of her books) and read is Jessica Zafra. Rawr. She is that lady in black glasses. I love her work because she writes so well, her pieces are all witty and entertaining and I think that it's such a great talent to have that because wit in writing is so scarce nowadays.

I look up to these people, I hope I get to be like them someday.

My life revolves around these three letters: WWW

Ah, the beauty of the world wide web. There's so many unchartered regions to discover! So many sites to explore! And you can even make your own island in the middle of it all. Where in the real world could you make that sort of thing? Nowhere but here in the WWW!

That sounded like a sucky commercial byline. I just realized that since I have so much time on my hands, time I got by escaping the school's sucky intramurals. My real life sucks because I exist like a floating piece of plastic, I go wherever the wind takes me. That's not such a great thing for someone like me. I do have dreams and aspirations but due to constricting circumstances....here I am. Escapism is my mantra every day. I could get through this if I have my dreams with me. Someday, i hold that promise to myself, someday.

thank goodness I still got this little piece of freedom, this access to the great beyond. A freedom to be more than what I am through the web. Plus I get free music and movies. : )

So, i'll take all this suckiness in life, as long as I get to have that promise of SOMEDAY.
Ugh, sucky commercial byline again.

Disappointing.

You talk loud but it ends there. I looked up to you because you speak well and seem to do well, because you are who you are and don't try to be something you're not.
I was wrong.
You are so full of words you just manage to get through your mouth, when it comes out, it goes out like a balloon floating in mid-air until you yourself popped it, never allowing it to take flight.
I looked up to you because you said you wanted something more than what this ridiculous existence has to offer, but what happened? Was the pull of prestige too strong to resist? Do their opinions really matter that much? I thought you were above that, but you're not.
You told me before that if chance would come, you;d be the first one out, but now you are the one holding on tightly. It's a shame. You talk big, but in the end you swallowed it back whole. That stuff is hard to chew.
You fail. I hope I don't end up like you.
Tsk, tsk.

All Sighs Day

Darth Vaders and Sunshine barbies

"I’m sick of always looking like Darth Vader next to Sunshine Barbie. Life’s to short, but you make it feel so long."--Blair Waldorf

Oh Blair! :( You were never the Darth Vader. You are by far, the most interesting character in the series because you are real. :)

The show is trashy. But I do love watching Blair Waldorf. Where would you find sunshine Barbies around the youth of today? 

Nowhere. We are all Darth Vaders. (Or Darth Vaders dressing up as Barbies)

Among all the characters of the show, Blair is the one who has the most insecurities. Her insecurities define me, define us. Define what we all have felt and currently feeling. In a world which shows you all the glamor, your insecurity grows. You see the media flaunting the Sunshine Barbies, the uber cool It girls who look like soulless plastic dolls. That's right, Plastic. Think about it, we look at them, we envy them, we want to be there. But where is there? And who are they? Are they real? Or are they just manufactured beauty that is skin deep?

Look around you, you see your fellow Darth Vaders because that's who we are. We are more real and more human than any of those. We are the insecure. Yet we continue to live and love and laugh, because, hey, who ever said the world was fair? Let them have the beauty, and we can have the freedom to BE. I'd rather experience these bouts of insecurity because they make me who I am. They define me and enable me to be something MORE. 

Imagine being a perfect Sunshine Barbie...sounds fun? But after all the parties and magazines and shows, you may find yourself LOST. Who are you in the world of plastic reality? What have you become? Will you find that answer by staying a Sunshine Barbie? 

But to a Darth Vader, an Ugly Duckling, we get to find answers. We can find answers because we have the freedom of being simple, ordinary. We can be extraordinary and happy about ourselves. We have insecurities at the beginning but we shed that and learn and become better people. Sunshine Barbies get to be that for all their lives, threats are omnipresent because they live by their beauty, and as we know, beauty fades. 

When the World Cup players get back to France NT...

I don't feel so good about it. Patrice Evra, I have this dire feeling about him. I hope it won't prove true. There's something sinister about the come-back of the world cup players. Evra, Gourcuff and Ribery don't mix well together. It would be such a shame if their issues would pull down the team again. Whatever issues they've had was not resolved during all those times they were together for the World Cup. They are men, not boys, they should have been able to forgo their issues for the sake of the team, for the sake of their country but they didn't. It blew up and caused a once-proud football nation so much disgrace. And Evra's attempts to get pardon and lift the 5 match ban shows a steak of impatience, pride and resoluteness that does not suit me well. This insistence to get back on the team, the impatience looks to me like he does not accept his role in the world cup disaster. And that lack of remorse or guilt means he is not psychologically ready to be back. How would he set himself up in a fresh, young team with a new coach? Plus the other world cup players will be back, and I feel apprehensive about that. Right now, Blanc has enough troubles in his hand without the players' issues getting in the mix. France is slowly but surely rising from disgrace, they need the consistent wins and mind set without anyone inside the team ruffling their feathers. I know the world cup players were the best in their clubs, but even with so much talent, they failed. They had NO TEAMWORK. Evra couldn't be a good captain, he wasn't bale to resolve inner team conflict or maybe set boundaries for players to not take their issues beyond the locker room and into the pitch. It was all a failure. And getting them back, well, for me, spells more disaster. I don't want that. I guess if as a player, you feel you can't represent your country well enough, you should just stop lying to yourself and let others take the lead. France is a new, young team. Let it grow enough, maybe they'll show us back the glory again. I know they will. The new players know they are young and inexperienced internationally but still they are trying, and their last win proved it. They could do it. If ever Evra and the otehrs come back, I hope they won't ruin it.

The Golden Goal Rule

Sepp Blatter should focus on putting a more technologically advanced game where he puts up goal line technology. 
He said "But in the first few matches of the group stage in South Africa, we witnessed some teams that went out to avoid defeat, that were playing for a draw from the outset." To be fair, those teams played to win, and qualify and it was essential for them to get points during a draw. The games played out well, perhaps it has escaped your notice, dear Mr. Blatter, that the only times when it DID not do so well where during those times when blatant mishaps were MISSED by your referees. Why don't you focus on that instead?! 


"We have to try to find a way to encourage free-flowing football in tournaments like the World Cup, with teams playing to win."-Blatter


They did play to win, I think it was obvious that they wanted it, who wouldn't? You see, the only hindrance to that is the way the game kept on stopping or being stopped by atrocious red and yellow cards for questionable faults, the missed goals and when your referees turned a blind eye to obvious penalties. WTH Blatter? This issue has been on the rise since those incidents but you keep skirting around them! You say you want to re-introduce the Golden Goal for free flowing football, I say you learn to priortize and get to a more pressing issue than that. get Goal Line technology, get any technology that would assist your referees in the game! 

Mesut and Sami benched for the meantime

Wow first name basis! LOL. This post may just spawn hatred for Jose Mourinho. I respect him as a coach because let's face it, he has proven himself as a great coach, the chosen one. Well the chosen one is pretty choosy and had a fun summer baiting and hooking and catching players all over. And his favorite fishing place is apparently Germany. He knows what he wants and he gets it. I'm a  bundesliga fan and I may be a bit possessive in its players because I do not want them to move out. The fact is, because of how the Germans have fared in the World Cup, things are looking bright for the the Bundesliga and I so want those players of quality to be part of it all. Back to Mourinho, he got Oezil and Kheidera, but because of the players' obvious language barrier (They are Germans/Turkish, what do you expect?) he places them on the bench. Well, Mourinho, if you keep doing that, you'll knwo you'll have lost something because those two were Germany's key players (Everyone is a key player in Die Mannschaft :D) Okay, I'm ranting. Need to stop. LOL. But I hope they get more playing time and perhaps request a translator since right now, it's going to be tough going during a language class to switch from German to Spanish. Hopefully, they get to show their talents sooner. And maybe even be friends with the rest of Real Madrid.

Gourcuff: moving Sideways

I love Yoann, he's one of my favorite football players. But he just frustrates me. He has a warped mind. Seriously, I was so mad about his transfer. It was reckless and idiotic and insulting to do it that way. To officially tell them you're transferring on the night of a big match is like saying you want out of a sinking ship that is Bordeaux. Argghhh..it's so frustrating, how could you do it? Did you feel no remorse? How do you think the team would feel?! Insulted. Mad. Angered. Gahhh...!!! And it's not like you're moving to the premier leagues, or La Liga, it's just another Ligue 1 club. And one who has not been doing well in their past few games.
Then you had your first match, albeit as a sub. You were present as a player, but you were a negligible part of that game. What happened to that Gourcuff who lead Bordeaux to their glory? Who showed AC Milan what they lost when they let you go?! Was the magic gone because the challenge was there no more? Where are you, Yoann Gourcuff, the playmaker?!
Do Come Back.

Die Mannschaft, Les Bleus and hopes for the future

First of all, I was so relieved that they won against Azerbaijan. Speculations were rampant that Germany would a have a difficult time in facing this team because of their poor showing against Belgium. They did win that match but it was obvious that the team lacked some spark. Criticisms were thrown at Podolski who made a poor show. That's why it was so important for Germany to get back on form. Getting a goal is good but it won;t be enough to win against the bigger teams. So in the game against Azerbaijan, the team went back in track to a whooping 6 goal win with just a single goal conceded to the opposing. Manuel Neuer's disappointment was evident in the way he was criticizing himself during the post match interviews. He wanted a clean sheet, it was a moment of weakness. But overall, it was a great game for Germany. They are way ahead of everyone else in their group and they are sure qualifiers for the Euro's. I hope they get the trophy this time because I seriously have had enough of Spain.

Of Spain: It's not that I hate the team. But they've won pretty much every trophy there could possibly be so I think it's time for other teams to take over. my bets are on Les Bleus and Die Mannschaft. Spain is very good but there are evident cracks in their play. During the world cup, Torres was not at his form, and Villa was shooting everywhere except the net. I guess they fixed it now, as seen during their qualifying match BUT during the friendly against Argentina (Who thankfully are now playing LOGICALLY without Maradona) they lost 4-1. So many factors affecting it yes, but as fresh world cup champions, it's a blow to their system. It's a big plus on Argentina's confidence factor because they were able to redeem themselves, they are capable of winning, they just need rational tactics. Again, I do not feel sad that Spain lost. I don't wish them well but there are a lot of quality teams who deserve their chance at a trophy. Young teams like France and Germany who could rise through the ranks if they use their young players well. Jogi is utilizing them successfully and hopefully, with just a little more training (mental, physical and social LOL) of France, they could also be a force to reckon with in Euro 2012.

Who knows? I could be watching and cheering. LIVE. **sigh.

I love the sappy drama's sometimes...

THIS. My favorite couple on OTH. Haley and Nathan!

HALEY: It all just seems so fake… this idea that good things happen to good people, and there’s magic in the world, and the meek and righteous will inherit it. There’s too many good people who suffer for something like that to be true; there are too many prayers that get unanswered. Every day we ignore how completely broken this world is, and we tell ourselves ‘it’s all going to be okay, you’re going to be okay,’ but it’s not okay. And once you know that, there’s no going back. There’s no magic in the world. At least today there isn’t.

smash!! smash!

Tonight, Tonight Time is never time at all.
You can never ever leave without leaving a piece of youth.
And our lives are forever changed.
We will never be the same.
The more you change the less you feel.

Believe, believe in me, believe.
Believe that life can change.
That youre not stuck in vain.
Were not the same, were different tonight.
Tonight, so bright.
Tonight.

And you know youre never sure.
But you're sure you could be right.
If you held yourself up to the light.
And the embers never fade in your city by the lake.
The place where you were born.

Believe, believe in me, believe.
Believe in the resolute urgency of now.
And if you believe theres not a chance tonight.
Tonight, so bright.
Tonight.

We'll crucify the insincere tonight.
We'll make things right, we'll feel it all tonight.
We'll find a way to offer up the night tonight.
The indescribable moments of your life tonight.
The impossible is possible tonight.
Believe in me as I believe in you, tonight.

my favorite authors:from one to another

hah!

Make-up!

Silent Ghosts

princess.princess

When you wear a beautiful dress

it's feeling like Cinderella going to the ball

poetic photo

and they stare at each other

The kid to the Lion.

i hate that my classmates are following me on twitter

I've loved twitter for so long that i'm so comfortable posting whatever I want there, no matter how many times I post about stuff that I want no one has bothered me with it. But my days of trigger-happy-tweeting are over when my classmates discovered twitter and started following me. Now remember, I did not ask the to follow me...they did it of their own accord, so if they want to, they can just unfollow me anytime they want because my life would be freaking better without them constantly telling me that I'm such a spammer..because I am! I spam Football! and I feel no shame about that because it's my personal twitter page and I can post whatever the hell I want. I have a lot of other followers who are became my friends because of our shared interest in the beautiful game and we are all football spammers. We take no offense to that because that's what we love to post abd share about. I don't use twitter to share my non-existent personal life, I use it to share to my love about football plus my other personal interests,a dn to those people who take offense at it, well, unfollow me! FTW. This has made me resort to making another twitter account which I will use more than the ones with my annoying complainers in it. STFU and unfollow me. I'm so effing mad. Your tweets are a waste of my space anyway, I don't feel any solidarity to your annoying insecurities and what-not, I have my own life and friends, thank-you-very-much. I feel closer to my football friends than to these classmates of mine who complain a lot. Your obscurities are unimportant to me. GTFO.
grrrr...
really over-using profanities because of this.
Thank goodness someone suggested getting an alternate account.

for the atheistic pleasure

"Because there is a law such as gravity, the universe can and will create itself from nothing. Spontaneous creation is the reason there is something rather than nothing, why the universe exists, why we exist, It is not necessary to invoke God to light the blue touch paper and set the universe going."-Stephen Hawking

remorseless

remorseless.
I did what I could.
I have no regrets.
Nor will I apologize.
Fin.

courage and strength are naught without prudence

“The play is over, and the curtain is about to fall. Before we part, a word about the graver teachings of the mountains. Still, at last, sad memory hovers round, and sometimes drifts across like floating mist, cutting off sunshine and chilling the remembrance of happier times. There have been joys too great to be describes in words, and there have been griefs upon which I have not dared to dwell; and with these in mind I say, climb if you will, but remember that courage and strength are naught without prudence, and that a momentary negligence may destroy the happiness of a lifetime. Do nothing in haste; look well to each step; and from the beginning think what may be the end.”

—	Simon Mawer, The Fall