OPERATION TIMBANG!

F is for friends who do stuff together, U is for U and Me, N is for nothing!

Operation Timbang was a success, a lot of kids came with their mothers and even without (One kid was writing down her name, she even forgot her last name)! Our favorite is Mariel aka Eva Fonda! lol. And Lindsay too. These kids have uber cool names even if they live in that area! Our group was assigned for documentation, that just means taking pictures of everyone...candidly or not. A lot of kids cried...even eva fonda so I had to give her my piece of bread even though i'm starving...aw, generous much? not really. hehe.

We were all so tired and sweaty at the end of the activity but we had fun so it was all worth it.

Here's looking at you, kids!

xoxo

Junk food mania

I have managed to keep away from junk food for a week, now that I’m eating it again, i will eat more and more and more. Until I regurgitate and lose my interest in junk food again.

about a girl

     Perhaps one of the trickiest things to do is to write about a friend. A pen could easily spew poison from its tips. But this composition refrains from executing treason against a cherished comrade. Even the truth, in this circumstance, is not enough. This damsel has proved that she is no longer in distress. So this manuscript will express not the unblemished facts but the writer’s version of the facts about this particular lady. I have composed an introduction to this essay, but I have not yet placed in writing the maiden’s name. Is this because her name is confidential? No. The reason behind behind this cloak-and-dagger affair is simple. You might already know her! The worst thing that could happen is that your perception about her will cloud your reasoning. It is important that you see the maiden through my eyes, or else this personality sketch will be a waste of ink and paper.

     A lot can be said about this lady. One thing, she’s no lady! But she is a girl in the true sense of the word. I suppose only females would understand the distinction but you get kudos for trying! Another thing, when she reads the latter, her forehead will crease and you can almost see her brain work as she concentrates hard to comprehend the message I want to express. Moving to her brain, it is stunning. Not that i have seen it, but I have witnessed its glorious feats. I will say no more about the matter since more information will bring light as to who she really is. This damsel loves fun. Making fun of me, of herself, and of others. In a good way, of course! It is, after all, human nature. Her aura radiates a natural affability that endears her to a lot of people. But it was not always that way, she acquired it by overcoming her self-doubts and timidity. I am proud to say that i have witnesses this metamorphosis. Truly, one of life’s greatest pleasures is to witness this event and perhaps even helped her out. Some things never change and there are two things that time has not altered. One is her kind heart and the other, her obsessive-compulsive behavior towards schoolwork. As W.H. Davies would say, “We love thee for a heart that’s kind- Not for the knowledge in thy mind.” But we love you just the same, obsessive-compulsiveness aside. Every person loves a joke, but isn’t it better if you cracked a joke and everyone laughs? It’s worth a try and for this damsel, trying is worth a lot but eventually, her jokes got better compared to past “attempts”.Maybe one day, we will hear a really good one. Good enough to break some ribs!

 

     A denouement is a lovely piece to end mysterious dramas and reveal the sun hiding behind dark clouds of gloom. Now that you’ve had a nibble of a tidbit of our damsel’s personality, I can finally tell you who’s who. Compare your perceptions to mine and see if we do arrive at the same conclusion, that Karen Joyce Gaspe is the best best friend you can have.

A taste of mayhem

This takes the record for being the first hectic week of the new year. Monday started with the onrush to complete requirements. We braved the slippery roads just to interview a client in the household, we managed to gain confidence we didn’t have before just to get 4 family’s. That night was even more stressful, i have to complete the data in 4 assessment forms which are 3 pages, back to back each. Stressful? Not yet! I still have to study for the midterm exam in history. I was so tired that I slept at around 1am and the insomnia kicked in. This morning, it took quite al lot of effort just to get myself out of bed. At school, we have to collate and tabulate the specifics form our assessment forms. that’s from 27 students and each student has about 3 assessment forms each and some even have 5! I was so excited to see the end of this day. Thank God, our teacher for economics didn’t show up, but she did give us an assignment to be submitted before the end of the final period. It was toiling. So difficult to come up with explanations why these things about the Philippine’s rotten judicial system and meddling of the church happen. It’s so cliché. The midterm test was easier than I expected, I hope to gain at least 50 percent of the total grade since i didn’t study much, I don’t have high hopes for that subject. And oh, just 2 and a half hours before the day ends and I still have to finish writing my LFD, assignment for lit, Polsci research English write-up, and we have a test for lit! My back aches, I'm getting a carpal tunnel sickness but I'd rather procrastinate than face what’s in store for me.

ugh.

xoxo

girl in question

Okay, so I now understand how it is that the poor love struck girl is too struck to even realize that she’s struck! I can’t explain much but usually, she has great friends and people who love her who gives her good advice but she doesn’t take it because she is too blinded by her feelings! The girl in question knows deep inside that everything will go wrong with the relationship but she struggles to keep it going because she is too afraid to let go; meaning that she doesn’t want to live a barren existence and realize in the end that the guy in question is her soul mate. It isn’t true in all cases, of course, the girl in question is experiencing what I call faux-love where she falls hard for a guy in question believing it is the real thing but the truth is that it never is! It’s just a misconception that leads to heart aches on both parties concerned. The catalyst in this type of faux love is the level of maturity. It just explains everything…the commitment factor, the my-friends-have-to-go-first-since-they’ve-been-with-me-longer-than-you drama, the influx of insecurity due to lack of proofs of undying love an devotion and in summation, BS. Because there was never any real love to speak of in the first place, it’s all a mirage created by the thirst for something meaningful in a teenager’s life, to create a production influenced by the numerous masterpieces of love-lost-and-then-found scenarios created by the media to entice and then fool teenagers into thinking that love in times of adolescent uncertainty will solve such matters, when in fact, it will only make things worse for all the parties involved.

A good question to ask all the girls in question out there is:

Do you love him or do you love the idea of him?

 

glimpse of busay!

Second helpings…

After the momentous first day of duty, we realized that this day is GIGANTIC in proportions. We were so unprepared for what we encountered that our mouths dropped open in surprise, along with our lungs, as we saw the steep road downhill. ARE WE REALLY GONNA GO THERE? Of course, we have to. We were excited to see what’s in store for us today that we embarked on our adventure with wide grins and laughter in every step…NOT! We were too breathless and cautious of rolling downhill to even care! Alright, so maybe our shoes aren’t up to do the job but we had on heavy bags plus the CHN kit which was useless, btw.

With every downhill, there’s an uphill, a very UP-hill. We’re climbing to glory and the end of our journey, the sitio is just on the other side of the hill…not! We have to find the river which leads to the place…and it’s not appearing! Does this river exist? Or is it just the figment of our guide’s imagination? But the view was wonderful and so we trudged on like little Dora’s without Boots and a stationary backpack to go. The houses we passed by were pretty examples of great architecture…I’m way overboard but you’ll have to see it to believe it! It seems that every house has a car! You must be rich to live in a place like that! (or else, surrender yourself to riding the habal-habal) The houses became lesser as we went on and finally, finally…we see a, wait a minute is that a stream?!? Or a very minute example of one. But we see that it leads to our sitio! FINALLY! WE HAVE ARRIVED (after hours-it seemed like hours-of grueling walking, trudging, complaining, sweating, panting)

We rested at the main square (?!) of the area, but surprise, surprise…our CI pointed to a vertical, I swear it’s vertical, climb and said that we have to do an ocular survey of the whole area. We groaned aloud. Will our feet be up to the job? Of course, it is! That’s what feet are made for, climbing vertical places. As we climbed, we looked like hunchbacks doing mountain or more like wall climbing, only we don’t have the right equipment. Along the way we met a chicken, and the damned thing flew right at us! We screamed and held the person in front of us before we toppled over like dominoes towards the foot of the hill. We reached the top and climbed down again. We survived! (thank god!) and we’re still alive (barely).

After resting again, the time of reckoning has come, the way back is faced with two choices of transportation, each as perilous as the other. First, walk and Second, ride the habal-habal. Well, of course we’re not stupid! We’d be triple dead if tried walking that route again! So we rode the infamous habal-habal for only p10 per person! The mounting part was a bit difficult and I was assisted by my-almost-soon-to-be-crush, sV. He is such a gentleman! And btw, he didn’t even sweat it out the way we did during the perilous climbs! He looks so cute! Desperaux kind of cute.

The end of our second morning arrived quickly, but I really wanted to make the moment last a little longer (the sV moment! not the climbing part!)

And, btw, we will be doing that every day for 5 more weeks.

Survivor style much?!

Hope to survive all the way…

xoxo

first day firsts!

COPAR! Ready to go and conquer it all!

I’m writing this on the second day so my memoirs of what occurred may be sketchy…Events on the second day managed to outshine whatever things we did!

Busay is wonderful! It’s like this mountain with perfect road conditions and the view is magnificent. To see the whole city of Cebu lay out like that is amazing…makes your feel like you’re on top of the world…or of Cebu!

Aside from that, we also saw magnificent houses of the rich…we were filled with envy! One day, we’re going to own one just like that, or maybe even better than that!

It was my first time to be up there! Also my first time to walk with sV and even ride next to him on the jeepney!

Hmmm…I can’t recall most of what happened so I’ll let the pictures show say it all (or some of them, anyway)

Triggered by a song

I want you to love me, but I don't think you will.”
I wander around as I repeat this to myself
It’s the only answer I have, even if I’m scared of getting hurt.
I’ll say “I love you” to the one I love
Do you love me or not?
I don’t care what the answer is, I just need to know!
No matter how badly I desire to be with you
There are many unchangeable things in this world
and my love for you
can’t be stopped by anyone
As 1000 nights pass, I long to tell you
I have to let you know
“I want you to love me, but I don’t think you will.”
I wander around as I repeat this to myself
It’s the only answer I have, even if I’m scared of getting hurt.
I’ll say “I love you” to the one I love
Putting these feelings into words is so scary
but I’ll say “I love you” to the one I love
The happiness we chance upon in our lives can’t be expressed in words
That’s why we can only smile
Why we sing “do re mi” among the vivid autumn colors
With winter at our backs, and the spring sunbeams peeking through the leaves
as to protect someone who’s just been reborn
As I looked at the road I’d traveled and the path ahead,
my eyes were filled with cowardice
I wanted to look into your eyes, but was afraid I wouldn’t be honest
I didn’t want to know that you didn’t love me
and live the rest of my days alone
That day, I kept on loving you without getting hurt
As 1000 nights pass, I long to tell you
I have to let you know
“I want you to love me, but I don’t think you will.”
I wander around as I repeat this to myself
It’s the only answer I have, even if I’m scared of getting hurt.
I’ll say “I love you” to the one I love
Even if my feelings aren’t returned, I can say “I love you” to the one I love
And that’s the most beautiful thing in the world

The first step towards healing

Every beginning isn’t easy. I know. I always begin something but just end up there. Begin something again, then give up when I get tired. I need to start anew, this is not just a typical “want” but a dire need to let go of something which has been like an anchor to me. Anchoring me to one place, never letting me go. Loving someone is never easy, I know I'm not suppose to give up since there’s always this one little chance that we’ll be together again, but i know, and he knows that it will never work out. Distance can do more than separate people physically, the emotional binds we have shared is fragile, and with the absence of closeness it tends to break. Painfully so.

This is my first step towards healing. GIVING UP.

q’s i like to share…

It’s a slow night (translated: I’m slacking off again…) So I got this idea of putting together these quotes from various colorful characters I’ve encountered in books. These quotes made me sit up and take notice of much about anything. So here goes…

You don’t have to be anything other than what you are.

• So true…There’s no one else in the world like you! So why bother being somebody’s copy?!

Life is too uncertain to waste time.

• But sometimes, it’s fun to waste time too…

Moments of lunacy can occasionally lead to positive results.

• Absolutely. But only occasionally since crazy stunts aren’t really accepted as normal behavior in society. (As if we care! We do it all the time, if only to spite those stuck-ups…lol)

There’s very little you can’t have, so long as you dare reach for it.

• *sigh* ^thinking romantic thoughts^

You must learn to ignore what people say, you’ll be happier that way.

• Yup…You have your own personal conscience anyway (as long as it’s still working)

Morality is only for the middle class. The lower class can’t afford it and the upper class have entirely too much leisure time to fill.

• Spoken like a true snob! This Q is from one of my favorites, The Devil in Winter by Lisa Kleypas. It was true in their time…

It’s bad form to eat something after you’ve saved them.

• This Q cracked me up, it was referring to a duck!

Never do an enemy a small injury.

• Machiavelli…so evil, yet somewhat enticing!

When the willingness is great, the difficulties cannot be.

• Another Machiavelli Q which is pretty inspiring. But I bet he wasn’t thinking of any good thoughts when he wrote this one up.

Be there with me, and when you close your eyes, my arms will be around you.

• I love this quote, it’s just so sweet and romantic…^insert mushy thoughts here^

"I'll think about it tomorrow. if I think about it today, I'll go crazy."

• Scarlett O’Hara. Too true.

“Standing up for yourself is a lonely business,”

• Blair, Blair, Blair. From my favorite Queen B.

If the shoe fits, wear it.

• Blair-rite wannabee

her knight in shining Armani!

• I want one!

a great moonstruck creature whose every hope of happiness was absurdly precarious

• So me…

I trust you, it’s everyone else that I hold in suspicion

• LOL…this one is classic!

They did what friends do when all else has failed… they sat with her in companionable silence… and let her know they cared.

• It makes me love my BFF’s even more. Even if we’re scattered all over the Philippines. I mean, Boys come and go but BFF’s stay forever!

I’m not nearly the villain you think I am.”

• Another classic Q. Can it be interpreted both ways? Like one, he is more of a villain than what you originally thought or two, he is less of a villain?! I think this is a Chuck Bass Q.

'Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn.'

• Rhett’s parting words to Scarlet. Ugh, I hate endings like this!

‘Never try to turn back on a new road—you don’t know what adventures await you.’”

• SURE!

"I have complete faith in your criminal abilities,"

• Another classic! Q’s like this just cracks me up!

Sometimes you need to step outside, clear your head & remind yourself of who you are & where you wanna be.And sometimes you have to venture outside your world in order to find yourself. As for me, I'm happy right where I am. I only wanna be with you. xoxo

• GG…so inspiring! One of the few…very few.

As much as a BFF can make you go WTF, there's no denying we'd all be a little less less rich without them.

• GG again, she’s so slutty yet witty!

XOXO

nothingness

Today, i feel like i am inside a water tank, with the water all around me, suppressing my breathing, limiting my movements, making everything move slowly. It feels like i am waiting for something momentous to happen to me. I feel neither happy nor sad. Content nor wanting. I am suspended in animation. Waiting, for something i do not know what.

Sore feet

It all happened because I had to be present or else I'll get sanctioned. And nobody ever wants to be sanctioned for 16 hours of duty…and lose precious vacation time. So, we all went there in time, but what we didn't know was that it was going to really start at 2pm.

So, we waited, and waited, and waited.

While waiting, we were eating, and eating and eating.

And of course, we took pictures, and more pictures.

That was the best part, the only part that mattered. The rest of the procession was a blur of heat, odor, angst and foot decay. (Seriously, my feet felt like it was slowly and painfully being removed from my body.)

It was our first time so we didn’t know that we have to stop every once in a while for something God only knows why. It was really a procession…in the truest sense of the word.

Next thing we knew, we were being scolded by some scary looking men in fatigues, we really couldn’t hear them over the noise of the band and the crowd so we just looked mournful and moved away. Apparently, we have to let the caro containing the Sto. Nino to pass first before we move on.

 

What was supposed to be a solemn procession turned out to be something very weird since the band, situated in the middle of the procession line, was playing some sort of death march tune. It felt like we were really going to our impending doom, what with the state of our feet and inner turmoil we are experiencing.

The route was so long…and the line was moving so slowly that it ended at around 5 or 6pm. It was like a hunger strike, no wonder people in Cebu don’t usually go for strikes unlike people in Manila, we have better things to do than walk and clog up traffic. My stomach was growling one-thirds of the way, it was still so far from the final destination. I was instantly appeased by a billboard of a McDonald burger, unfortunately, there wasn’t any store in our proximity.

Thankfully, we finally arrived but our feet were throbbing with pain. Every time we take a step, pain shoots up to our legs. We were crippled. (melodrama…)

I hope to not try it again, ever.

xoxo

Losing my marbles

It was probably because of the past experience of having someone being mugged right next to me in the jeepney. Or maybe starvation (I haven't eaten since last night and just on my way to eat) Or maybe paranoia. In the words of Ronald Weasley, "You're mental!"

The jeepney stopped to let this guy come aboard, he was grinning slyly and looking like a cat that just ate a canary. I was nervous. He looked like a mugger and my brain was going into hyper-mode-paranoia, I was already envisioning him taking out this knife, pointing it to all the passengers and asking them to give him all they got. The bad part was that he sat next to me, which again fueled my already churning imagination. He was just going to do me first! Already, I was thinking of ways to avoid it like crying and telling pathetic but pitiful lies so he could spare me, pretend I’m deaf, dumb and blind or just simply walk out of the jeep while it’s still in motion. So while I was thinking about all these, his hand went into his wallet and he took out something and quickly handed it over to my side. I jumped out of my skin! To my relief, it was just his fare, which he was giving to the conductor right next to me. I was so glad my stop came and I went out gratefully but when I was doing that, he appeared to be standing up too! He just came in, why he would want to go out so quickly? Unless it was to follow me and kill me! Maybe he was a serial killer! (at this part, I thought I was really going to go crazy and confront him right in the middle of the street.) But I was getting hungry and had no time for my imaginations so I looked to make sure he’s not following, which he was not doing. He was not even out of the jeepney! Apparently, he was just going to sit near the end portion.

(Or maybe he was just trying to spook me).

Paranoid, I am.

book-bugging

So it’s not every day that I get to read a book about fun singletons enjoying their independence in the free world (read US and Europe). Would I be like one of them, one day? The Philippines has a much different setting since we’re all about catholicism’s and we-must-be-demure type of women. It seems so restricting that we won’t be able to fully express ourselves because we have limitations. And when we gain enough courage to step out of the box, we are judged and demeaned by society. And to what standards? The ones which are based on how pure and fine our characters must be, how we must remain good always and all those bs which btw, does not work anymore! Notice the fact that we’re already in 2009! I mean, such things may be the reason why our country is in such a rut right now. It’s so annoying! It’s like, if we don’t become what society wants us to be, we are treated like pariahs!
(this is duly influenced by books I’ve read, news I’ve read and watched, lectures from intelligent human beings and my personal opinion)

scatterbrainy thoughts

One of my major dilemma's when meeting people is forgetfulness. The moment I see their faces, I recognize them as people I know but their names usually escape me. Meeting new people is fun but names can be difficult to remember. There was this instance when my friend introduced me to this group of girls and she introduced them so fast I wasn't able to catch most of their names and to this day, I still wouldn't be able to name them even if you point a gun at my head!
The same goes for my old classmates in high school, the ones I'm not close with obviously. I was walking home one evening when someone suddenly called my name. I stopped walking, looked around and saw this guy approaching me and asking me kumusta naman ka? I gave a very shrilly reply of hello, fine! and all the while, i was frantically searching for his name in my mind. All I could come up with was his last name. He probably noticed that and he told me his name, to which I replied, oh, ha-ha...i knew that! It was a pretty embarrassing moment esp. since the guy was cute!

So, aside from forgetfulness I also tend to be absent-minded. Really, really absent-minded. Respect to the instructor's are shown by greeting them and I do greet them, just with the wrong words. In high morning I say Good Afternoon and vice versa. Some of the teacher's would just smile and answer me, stressing the right words and I would end up red in the face and trying to come up with an apology without stumbling over words. At least they're considerate enough! Some of the "unmentionables" would just raise their kilay and give me their maldita look. I would soooo love to give it back! Behind their back I roll my eyes heavenward! heh-heh

it's a long way from here to there

and we couldn't even meet halfway. Everytime I reach out for it, i lose touch of reality and enter what seems to be an illusion created by my wishes. And when you enter that land, the only way to exit is to fall...hard and every hope is dashed. What's left behind is a mere shell of what you once were...that soul you had may never be recovered, but if you ever do...it will be an arduous process full of disillusionments.
i feel so miserable.
i don't want this but i can't help myself, because deep down, it's my secret fantasy that we'll be back again,..together, That maybe, there's still this one last chance of redemption.
Or maybe not.
So i'll have to stop dreaming and focus on reality.

so messed up

I'm a self-assured woman of substance. A dedicated singleton who will not let the past bite me in the butt.Again.and again.and again. So, after this tiny moment which will probably be imprinted forever in my life, i will not , ever, log-in and wait with stars in my eyes, for nothing!
My hands are shaking badly and i'm feeling cold all over. After all this time, it still has this damning effect on me. But then again, this stuff will be gone in a few seconds...waiting, waiting...waiting...i'm ready for it to go away...waiting...
huh.
still here.
Ugh
And here I am, trying to make up for being such a bad, bad girl, by making stuff seem interesting. Wanting to know how long patience could stretch...or maybe just how long i'll last before i burst and spill my guts out.
i'd probably lose again.
again.

the creativity problems of today's youth (esp.me)

While surfing in the waters of the vast network of the www, i stumbled upon this blog posting an article about a storywriting competition. I wanted in. So badly that i took the canvas we were supposed to write about and placed it as the wallpaper of my pc. Unfortunately, the muses are evading me. I'm badly in need of an inspiration. I've already decided to use Filipino as my language in writing so as to give more feeling to the story. In my opinion (and no, i do not care if you object to this) talking about the Philippine culture in english does not truly capture it's essence. There are words that only the Filipino language can truly put into life!

some.like.it.hot

We like it hotter. Unfortunately, not even the fiery fury of the fires attempted by the speakers could fuel our ears to perk up and listen. The state of chaos at the back portion of the room was inevitable since it wasn't really our choice to be there. As always, we had an alternative for boredom, cam-whoring!