Sometimes it’s safer to hold it all in, where the only person who can judge is YOURSELF.

- Sarah Dessen

I often find my dreams constricted by the confines of reality. 

Run Forrest, Run

In the sudden interest of all things healthy (okay, so this may have been long overdue), we have decided to partake in a daily session of running around in circles in a huge (like seriously huge) field. This should have started out yesterday but since I have conveniently forgotten to bring an attire for it, I just sat and watched them do it. And then I was filled with jealousy that they were jogging along with everyone else while I was sitting there and contemplating the lack of a lovelife with my friend that we promised to mark jogging as "a-very-important-thing-to-do-before-we-graduate". So there, I might actually do some exercise for once in my life without being forced to do it.

stewie, my favorite baby

MockTurtle

Hello friend, imagine a day of peace without the usual taunts. For me, I can't. This has become a daily routine in our roller coaster friendship that a day without it seems bland in comparison. But then one day, a sense of realization that all may not be well came about. That grinning face was just a facade. You hated the taunts and mockery, you felt it too deeply. To this I say forgive me. I have been an insensitive friend, unappreciative of the solemn kindness you offer to which we scoff at. Forgiveness at this time may be moot, words disappear into thin air so here I put some effort into starting a personal campaign to lessen the mocks and jeers and start treating you in a nicer manner you well deserve. Of course I can't promise i'll lose the taunts, it has become such an integral part of our friendship that I must do it to survive (or simply because you need taunting sometimes). Don't take it too personally, this is just me being friendly, and I swear I'll be nicer. =)

Robert Enke

He was Germany's number one. He loved the beautiful game. Enough to make him forget awhile his problems with depression. The man felt the need to hide his issues from his friends and showed an outer persona without problems but he felt it deeply, and it was deep enough that he was unable to pull himself out of his self made grave. There are so many things to love about football but there are downers too. This problem that Enke had was hidden away because he felt he would be discriminated among his peers. He was experiencing what each of us have felt at least once in our lifetime. And knowing how hard it strikes, it is not easy to experience it all by yourself. He was unable to cope and took his own life.

A tragic tale for a man with such a bright future ahead. I guess success can never really be measured by what you've accomplished, Enke was a successful man but it was the loss of his daughter and the potential loss of another that led him to his demise. Football can give you anything, but it can't give you everything. He was just coming home from training when he decided to commit suicide. Suicide, that ultimate act of giving up. I can imagine the temptation, that need to just end everything because life was getting too unbearable. It's a terrible feeling. And I hope that this issue is being addressed by people all around the world, not just by the football association. 

Depression is a terrible virus that can never be cured alone. 

A simple call for help is enough for people to lend a hand, a shoulder to cry on and ears to listen to. 

On the field and out of it, love and friendship must be on hand, isn't it why they call it a beautiful game? It bonds people from all walks of life. That's the most special gift any sport can give.

500 25,000 600 minutes, how do you measure a year?

How do I even begin to interpret a song like Seasons of Love from Rent? There's something about the song that gives you a feeling of poignancy. It begins by asking you how a year is measured. And then from there, simple words make up a great lyric about life as measured by moments we've had.

PULPO PAUL, ADIOS

I'm bringing out the balloons and party hats and hosting a party!

Twitter conversation regarding Paul:

Me: Whoah,paul the octopus is dead...yehy! Bwahaha. #paul #octopus #worldcup
Me again: i'm reading a lot of ridiculously funny obituaries about paul the now-dead octopus.
Friend: @me "paul-the-now-dead-octopus" haha
Me: @friend i hate that octopus yan. he's better off dead before i hunt him down. and eat him. slowly and painfully. raw. hahahha..JK
Friend: hahaha that's a lot of hatred right there! haha pero bitaw, samok kaayo to nga octopus ba. maayo ra namatay hehe
Me: mao jud. annoying predictor. makasira sa excitement
Me: So long, Paul...The ink will run dry on this obituary,& within your own body, long before the jokes do-Goal.com. LMAO. #paul #dead #octopus

Yeah, he's THAT ugly.

What the...

You don rose colored glasses and you see the world in rosy tints, you remove them and you see its bleak reality.

You put back the glasses because you would rather live a lie. 

Humanity.

"I was standing just inside the door of the pavilion. watching as men hauled her out of the stretcher into the waiting bed inside the grimy provincial ambulance that could be her last ride..."

It was not a gloomy day. There was not a sun to be seen but its light filtered through the dense white clouds. The wind picked up just as we were guiding the stretcher out of the pavilion. Squeak, squeak, it was rusty. Grunts heard as they tried carrying her dead weight. Stop. The linens were an obstruction. Continue. They were then removed. She still has her tubes attached to her body. The bag valve mask that no one was pumping was not putting air into her lungs. A woman's loud voice echoes into the suddenly quiet crowd of observers, "Get the tubes out. You must do it yourselves. We are not accountable to that outside these hall" The man looked in confusion. He does not know how. Yet, they have made a choice. A choice as instructed by the sick woman herself. They have to go home. So, he gingerly places his fingers into the plaster that holds the tube in place. Instructions were given by the woman from inside the bounds of the pavilion. Out, it came. Harsh. I could sense not a hint of remorse from their voices. Like a bad drama, the crowd thickened and looked on. They were deathly quiet, though. It was not unlike a funeral, seeing a woman go. Away from the place that should have offered health. 

 There was a bed in the place that seemed to take the worst ones in. This time, it was a diminutive girl who defiantly sits up against the doctor's orders. She was 28 years old. But unlike other 28 year olds, she had a mental illness and her body was built like a child's, she had dwarfism. As if fate could not be more cruel to her, she was also sexually abused by a stranger. Now she is with child. A child she could not have known existed in her belly. She looks around her with discord. She does not like what she is seeing. The cries, the groans, the grimaces. It was not a place of peace. She frequently mutters pleas to get home. Sometimes, her mood hits her and she demands it while clutching at her IV line until it bleeds. She wants out. Now. She could sense the growing sense of unease this place has given her. Morning, night this is all she faces. She wants to go home. 

Ganun.My Black Cat day.

 I still hate waking up in the early mornings! And this day turned to be somewhat god-awful...but then I decided to turn it around...It's all in the mind! :p

What happened:

 You know that effing it's-too-early-to-wake-up-and-my-body-doesn't-want-to feeling?! well, i get loads of it just about every morning. i still never get used to it. This day was doom and gloom. I anticipated not going inside  so i didn't take any breakfast. Turned out, I got called in and i was already too hypoglycemic to function well. A few hours later, we got out (thank goodness) and we had breakfast at Jollibee! hahah..where we discussed about our friends (whom I miss very much_). but when I went back, i discovered my backpack has decided to terminate its life, the zippers went gaga and i couldn't close it.

"Don't panic": my mantra throughout that ordeal. I had too many things and it all came spilling out of my huge backpack. Plus, i couldn't get home yet because we had to take freaking diagnostic tests. I was really glad for this great couple who helped me try to fix my backpack (it ended up worst than what we started with---but it's the thought that counts right?!)

"I must not panic": the mantra was turning into a desperate plea. I do have my black cat moments; just like our dear leader who anticipates the oncoming rush of bad luck just to get it over with. Well, thinking positive helped a lot. I found a powerbooks cellophane bag and used it. I was supposed to leave my dead backpack there but my groupmates convinced me otherwise. So i had to carry a gaping backpack all the way home.

Funny how the mind works. The mantra worked. I didn't panic.

The thoughts that kept me calm:

• Don't panic
• I must NOT panic
• breathe a little, there's still time
• There's always a solution, i must not panic
• I'm going to fix this and I know I must not PANIC
• The problem isn't going to fix itself so FAST, enjoy some other stuff to keep myself happy
• Preoccupation with enjoyable stuff can keep me calm
• My will is strong, and I ALWAYS FIND A WAY to fix something, therefore, I SHALL.

It worked!

Mindpower rocks!

ps

I had a black cat day previously too, i panicked a little. Practice, practice, practice works!

My favorite Poem

Because whenever i read it, hope shines bright. Nevertheless, the poem may be melancholy but there's something about it that I really love. 


A Dream within a Dream
by Edgar Allan Poe

Take this kiss upon the brow!
And, in parting from you now,
Thus much let me avow-
You are not wrong, who deem
That my days have been a dream;
Yet if hope has flown away
In a night, or in a day,
In a vision, or in none,
Is it therefore the less gone?
All that we see or seem
Is but a dream within a dream.

I stand amid the roar
Of a surf-tormented shore,
And I hold within my hand
Grains of the golden sand-
How few! yet how they creep
Through my fingers to the deep,
While I weep- while I weep!
O God! can I not grasp
Them with a tighter clasp?
O God! can I not save
One from the pitiless wave?
Is all that we see or seem
But a dream within a dream

That We Live In A Third World Country

To all the dreamers, who were once allowed to dream. 

To all the well wishers, fairy godmother believers, falling star hopefuls.

And to the unhappy.  

This is for you.  

I have decided to write about the injustice of it all. We were born in this country, a nation mostly of the poor. We grow up hearing about the wonders of dreams. They take you anywhere, we were told. Just BELIEVE. And we did just that. We believed, and wished and prayed that one day, we will achieve our dreams. We learned in High School that we must have a career path. Plans were made, choices done and ideal future jobs dreamed about. In the midst of all the wonderful chaos, we are subtly reminded of something. It's that niggling sensation at the back of your mind, reminding you of something you might have forgotten. Reality strikes and you come face to face not with what you want or need but what your parents and the rest of your family silently demands. This is not of a career that you love, that penniless job which makes you happy because of the self fulfillment it offers, but of the money.

One day, nursing boomed here. Not long after, schools started bursting forth like mushrooms, the demand was high for nursing education and we can supply nursing institutions. Money pouring out of your parents pockets into the ones of the somewhat opportunistic schools. Your parents have dreams for you, this is to pay the debts they acquired for you education, the money needed by your siblings for their education. Look at her daughter, she works abroad, what big house they have! You feel the pressure growing and you succumb, It is after all, your responsibility.

There are so many situations like this all over the Philippines. It is not only Nursing, but in other courses too. But in my experience, nursing is where you can find the least, the most and the uninterested. The most brilliant people go for nursing, the doctors you knew of then are now studying nursing. The least interested in a medical course is here too. They are the artists of every kind. Their art restricted because it does not pay. And then there are the uninterested. They have ceased to care. 

Dreams crushed. Dreams trampled. Dreams killed.

Reality.

We live in a third world country. And this country needs money. Everyone needs money. money, money, money, money. Forget your dreams, money comes first. 

Money. 

Now, if only I had it, I'd be living in somewhere like France. I'd be a pauper there. I wouldn't mind. As long as nobody demands me to give them money, money, money. 

Of the Modern Damaso

Remember freedom?! just because i live in a catholic country does not make me one by default. I refuse to be a part of that circus.-moi

I used to sit in a church pew and listen to the gospel, thinking that "I could recite these stuff in my sleep, replace this priest and make a better job of it". That was the turning point of my growing animosity for my country's primary religion. This is further augmented by the priests' interjection of their opinions on stuff that they should just have left alone. The problem with religion in this country is that they plant seeds into the minds of their faithful participants. These seeds are poison. They pollute. They serve to diminish the freedom to think for themselves, to see the world in their own point of view. Because they want the people to think like they do. This is a violation of freedom. This is against human rights. And then they dare accuse a man of a crime called "offending religious feelings". 

Yes, I do think they are villains. There are good guys, sure. There are those who are truly selfless in their ways of seeking spirituality, those priests who make religion seem right. But, they are a scarcity. 

The Catholic Church is a huge part of a Filipino's everyday life. In a country who prides itself in being democratic, we are perversely bound by a religion who holds us in scrutiny. Our actions must hold up to the measure of being a good Catholic, their measuring stick with cracks here and there, adjustable with the right amount, the right gift, and the right motivation. Look at us now, trying to move forward in the modern century by updating ourselves through bills that must first face the Catholic Church's inquisition before they can be passed, they must first be held as Morally Good by the standards of those whose morality are tainted with acts of immorality. 

The Church has made no secret of it's position on the Reproductive health Bill. They say it's not morally sound, they say it's promoting abortion. I say the Catholic Church must be blind to the growing numbers of Filipina's who are suffering because of poor Sex Education. They must be deaf to the screams of poor women raped, of young children who suffer through labor pains, women who deserve the right to be sexually educated at an early age. Our country has been demanding the need for more bills like that for so long. We are overpopulated, we are desperate to end our troubles, we need change fast, before we get to the point of no return. We need bills like the RH Bill because they pave the way through the country's salvation. There are too many people suffering, and the most heartbreaking thing is that they are now resigned to their lives. They put too much faith in a religion that tells them to leave the rest to God. But when they are the poor, uneducated class, "the rest" means most of everything. It eventually leads to nothing.

More people need to stand up and fight for the bill. This is not to make us sexually promiscuous, because who are we kidding?! We are the country made famous by mail order brides and internet sex-cams, we have long been aware of sex. We are not ignorant about sex, but we are ignorant of safe sex practices. The church must not have heard of STD yet, or they are refusing to acknowledge it. 

I'll end this rant before I get too offensive. I'm atheist and proud of it. 

:)

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.

Huh? No idea. 

It's just that my head hurts right now and I've just discovered disturbing facts about friendship.

One, 

When a person becomes a friend, no matter who she turns out to be, she'll still be your friend.

Two,

When stuck between two opposing entities, it's hard to not want to talk about the other in their presence.

Three,

Squabbles happen, sometimes, even in the worst of it all, you'd have to choose who to believe. And no, this does not mean you go against the other.

Four,

Friendship is an anchor. It keeps you from drifting away.

Five,

Friendship is one of the strongest bonds on earth, those ionic,covalent bonds they've discussed in chemistry? They are NOTHING compared to friendship. No other chemicals can interact so well as evidenced by friendship, and none can compare to how easily it breaks too.

Six,

Pride is a deadly sin. It's friendship's poison.

Seven,

It's so hard to not talk. It's so hard to be a friend to someone you feel has been wronged by another friend. It's so hard to see two people willing to forgo all the years of friendship. It's so wrong. 

Be friends already!

I miss you both.

I need ice cream.

frustrating.

I've always supported Schalke in the Bundesliga. I love the club fiercely but recently, my hopes have been dashed over and over and over again. The fact that Schalke seem to have lost the ability to play harmoniously on the pitch is depressing. I've seen their previous matches and as it was always painful to see my club fail. They have great players, look at Raul, Neuer, Uchida, Farfan, Howedes, Huntelaar, etc. But the disturbing thing is that they do not play well together. They lack defense, their lack a creative midfielder. It's almost like they do not want to win anything! I do not see any motivation! I want this club to win so badly because they've suffered enough losses and they need points so badly! what happened to the threatening club that almost toppled Bayern Munchen?! Did your spirit go the moment Kuranyi and Westermann left the club?! I get very emotional about these stuff and this match against BVB almost dissolved me to tears because they are failing to get even an equalizer. I can't stand to watch it! wtf. Sometimes, I wish players like Howedes and Neuer would just leave and go find bigger clubs. Damn. This is low even for me. FML.

Is Football Afraid of Gay Men?

On the field are 22 players of strong men. There are two teams, and on each one, 10 kick the ball around the field, 1 stays between the posts. The whistle blows, a red card is given. But to what you may ask?

To homophobia.

A recent news story broke about a football player who was fired from his club because he admitted being gay. This is just one of the few and rarely talked about taboos in football. Being gay is equated to committing a crime of treason to the beautiful game. The game is played by real men, it is manly, and it is not for lily livered men. It is exclusive for pure men alone. But is that how you really define men?

Male football players’ qualifications include that you can play football and male; so, if you put yourself in the gay category, you cannot play football. And if you do want to play, shut up about it.

This has been the way football has faced the issue of homosexuality for years now. It is a stigma, it must not be spoken about, and it is shameful.

Archaic, a word that aptly describes football’s views on such issues.

One man came out, though. He proudly stepped forward and claimed to the world he is gay. But he ended up committing suicide. There was too much pressure everywhere. Football is not yet ready to accept such openness. His name is Justin Fashanu, he was taunted and bullied; just like a little kid in a big boys yard. In 1998, he committed suicide, In his suicide note, he stated: "I realised that I had already been presumed guilty. I do not want to give any more embarrassment to my friends and family." He was accused of molesting a young kid, and even before sufficient investigation was done, he was already branded a criminal because of his questionable sex. He was gay.

After that, a pro-homosexual community awareness was set up for football. The need for action was taken in consideration, and a few brave others came forth to fight for it. But after a few years, it slowed down to a trickle. It was not enough. Homosexuality still remains a stigma.

Just a few weeks ago, news came out of a football player who was sacked because it was found out that he was gay. His defence, “I only want to play football with my friends”. The fans were outraged. The higher-ups feathers were ruffled. Unhappy fans mean slower business; we must take action to appease them. They started a viral video campaign inviting the world’s biggest football stars to be a part of the video.

The result?

Discomfiture, Reluctance. And the video was postponed.

These stars lead the game to its heights of glory, but in issues regarding their fellow players’ sexuality, they are not brave enough to stand up and end this stigma. It is unfortunate, but so far, there are reasonable excuses for their disinclination. Gay, Faggot, Fairy, Poof, these words are the worst thing you can say about a football player, and it’s the lowest form of insult for them.

We look up to these players as our heroes, yet they are not brave enough to slay the dragons among them; these dragons which include the issues of homophobia and racism.

It seems football wants to take things one step at a time, right now, they are fighting for racism in a perfunctory manner. Team captains reading aloud, pre-made anti-racism essays is not enough to stop racism, if that is the way football’s governing body is handling that issue then how well do you imagine they would do the much more sensitive issue of homosexuality?

We cannot wait for these little baby steps of football towards these issues, big steps must be taken. They must be brave enough to tackle this issue actively because homophobia exists, they cannot deny it nor can they hide it. It will come out. And day by day, these issues are taking on a snowball effect. Anti-gay abuses, taunts, and bullying do happen. Even just plain accusations are enough to shatter a man’s psyche, enough for him to walk out of football because of humiliation. Active support must be done. Actions have long been overdue. Fans everywhere are campaigning for the cause. We need the players to step forth and support their fellow team mates; we need the Football Association to permanently remove the stigma. We need change now. 

A taste of Mango Yema

I wandered aimlessly in my mind as I looked at the day's memories for a topic. My day started really well. I woke up just as the alarm started going off, and then I pushed the snooze button and fell asleep again. I had this dream that I was back in high school and embarking on a great adventure. of course I wanted to see what happens next so I slept again. I was jolted awake by noises outside the room, sleepily took a look at the time and without even thinking, jumped off the bed and bathed in a record time of 10 minutes. Don't ask. I have this very special ability to do things in an impulsive, thoughtless manner. 

I hate my course and it usually takes a very special something to make me sit up and listen and really care about lectures. i guess I still have a drop of care left for humanity as I listened well to the lectures in Emergency Nursing. The concepts are well presented and since I seem to have found hope yet again on this terrible journey towards graduation, I took it to heart. We're on to bandaging and what keeps running around in my mind at that moment was that: I could help someone someday. Wow. I was astounded at my idealistic humanitarianism. I still care, apparently. I am not deluded into thinking that I'd be a great nurse, but I could still feel the possibility that there exists a non-cynical part of my mind that actually wants to help people. 

There could be salvation. 

So where does mango yema fit in all these self realization? Well, we went to Robinsons and tasted it and loved it. My taste buds have found another nirvana. 

I would love to write about the beauty of the night, But I feel my words may come lacking in spirit.
How could i describe the moon's beauty in words that would give justice to its splendor?
I could find no words to tell about the invisible stars, hidden by the lights of this great metropolis.
There is the darkness in the sky, so vast, so endless, but my depth in words are lacking.
I would love to give an ode to this night sky, but i'll stop now, before I ruin its beauty with my meaningless babble.

I bow to these Great Pinoy Writers

I've lived here for 20 years and so far, only 4 writers have impressed me. Patricia Evangelista, Jim Paredes, Bob Ong and Jessica Zafra. They do not deliver the news, they deliver opinions about the news or about the Phulippines. And I love writers who are not afraid to speak out and do something about it. They are not only great thinkers but also part of our society's movers and shakers because they communicated it to us throught the written word.

I first saw Patricia Evangelista on TV. When she was being interviewed by Boy Abunda for winning a Public Speaking competition abroad. The title of her winning piece made an impression on my mind, Blonde and Blue Eyes. That piece talked about the Filipino's unexplainable desire for Americanization, it's as if we look up to them like they are the most beautiful, and we are ugly. That piece was wonderful, and the way she spoke about it made you know that she feels it too, she empathizes because she once felt that way. Not anymore. Because she found beauty in being herself, and she wants the rest of us to feel that way too.

BOB ONG. I looked and looked for his website but alas, I could not find it anymore. But I do have the physical evidences of his existence; his books! He writes in tagalog, with all the jejemon and slang terms you could hear spoken by the ordinary folk. He has no inhibitions of being somewhat superior than us, he is one of us, he could be that lasenggero in the corner store, that DOTA guy in the internet cafe, he could be anyone and through his writing, he has become a representation of every Filipino. his writings has a sardonic taste to it, it's like being jabbed in the side, our culture as Filipino's expressed in the written word and in our mother language. He makes us laugh, but with that a realization that yeah, we are like this, but we should be PROUD of it because that makes us Filipinos. We are UNIQUE.

Jim Paredes, on the other hand, I've known for his songs. I didn't realize he could write as well as he could sing, if even better. He had that eye opening approach to writing which I loved reading because his thoughts expressed exactly how I felt (in a non-violent way heheh) about the recent Philippine issues. He is also part of a movement called the Artists' revolution calling for a change within ourselves.

Now, another author whose books I've been trying to collect (but our bookstores seem to have limited supply of her books) and read is Jessica Zafra. Rawr. She is that lady in black glasses. I love her work because she writes so well, her pieces are all witty and entertaining and I think that it's such a great talent to have that because wit in writing is so scarce nowadays.

I look up to these people, I hope I get to be like them someday.

My life revolves around these three letters: WWW

Ah, the beauty of the world wide web. There's so many unchartered regions to discover! So many sites to explore! And you can even make your own island in the middle of it all. Where in the real world could you make that sort of thing? Nowhere but here in the WWW!

That sounded like a sucky commercial byline. I just realized that since I have so much time on my hands, time I got by escaping the school's sucky intramurals. My real life sucks because I exist like a floating piece of plastic, I go wherever the wind takes me. That's not such a great thing for someone like me. I do have dreams and aspirations but due to constricting circumstances....here I am. Escapism is my mantra every day. I could get through this if I have my dreams with me. Someday, i hold that promise to myself, someday.

thank goodness I still got this little piece of freedom, this access to the great beyond. A freedom to be more than what I am through the web. Plus I get free music and movies. : )

So, i'll take all this suckiness in life, as long as I get to have that promise of SOMEDAY.
Ugh, sucky commercial byline again.

Disappointing.

You talk loud but it ends there. I looked up to you because you speak well and seem to do well, because you are who you are and don't try to be something you're not.
I was wrong.
You are so full of words you just manage to get through your mouth, when it comes out, it goes out like a balloon floating in mid-air until you yourself popped it, never allowing it to take flight.
I looked up to you because you said you wanted something more than what this ridiculous existence has to offer, but what happened? Was the pull of prestige too strong to resist? Do their opinions really matter that much? I thought you were above that, but you're not.
You told me before that if chance would come, you;d be the first one out, but now you are the one holding on tightly. It's a shame. You talk big, but in the end you swallowed it back whole. That stuff is hard to chew.
You fail. I hope I don't end up like you.
Tsk, tsk.

All Sighs Day

Darth Vaders and Sunshine barbies

"I’m sick of always looking like Darth Vader next to Sunshine Barbie. Life’s to short, but you make it feel so long."--Blair Waldorf

Oh Blair! :( You were never the Darth Vader. You are by far, the most interesting character in the series because you are real. :)

The show is trashy. But I do love watching Blair Waldorf. Where would you find sunshine Barbies around the youth of today? 

Nowhere. We are all Darth Vaders. (Or Darth Vaders dressing up as Barbies)

Among all the characters of the show, Blair is the one who has the most insecurities. Her insecurities define me, define us. Define what we all have felt and currently feeling. In a world which shows you all the glamor, your insecurity grows. You see the media flaunting the Sunshine Barbies, the uber cool It girls who look like soulless plastic dolls. That's right, Plastic. Think about it, we look at them, we envy them, we want to be there. But where is there? And who are they? Are they real? Or are they just manufactured beauty that is skin deep?

Look around you, you see your fellow Darth Vaders because that's who we are. We are more real and more human than any of those. We are the insecure. Yet we continue to live and love and laugh, because, hey, who ever said the world was fair? Let them have the beauty, and we can have the freedom to BE. I'd rather experience these bouts of insecurity because they make me who I am. They define me and enable me to be something MORE. 

Imagine being a perfect Sunshine Barbie...sounds fun? But after all the parties and magazines and shows, you may find yourself LOST. Who are you in the world of plastic reality? What have you become? Will you find that answer by staying a Sunshine Barbie? 

But to a Darth Vader, an Ugly Duckling, we get to find answers. We can find answers because we have the freedom of being simple, ordinary. We can be extraordinary and happy about ourselves. We have insecurities at the beginning but we shed that and learn and become better people. Sunshine Barbies get to be that for all their lives, threats are omnipresent because they live by their beauty, and as we know, beauty fades. 

When the World Cup players get back to France NT...

I don't feel so good about it. Patrice Evra, I have this dire feeling about him. I hope it won't prove true. There's something sinister about the come-back of the world cup players. Evra, Gourcuff and Ribery don't mix well together. It would be such a shame if their issues would pull down the team again. Whatever issues they've had was not resolved during all those times they were together for the World Cup. They are men, not boys, they should have been able to forgo their issues for the sake of the team, for the sake of their country but they didn't. It blew up and caused a once-proud football nation so much disgrace. And Evra's attempts to get pardon and lift the 5 match ban shows a steak of impatience, pride and resoluteness that does not suit me well. This insistence to get back on the team, the impatience looks to me like he does not accept his role in the world cup disaster. And that lack of remorse or guilt means he is not psychologically ready to be back. How would he set himself up in a fresh, young team with a new coach? Plus the other world cup players will be back, and I feel apprehensive about that. Right now, Blanc has enough troubles in his hand without the players' issues getting in the mix. France is slowly but surely rising from disgrace, they need the consistent wins and mind set without anyone inside the team ruffling their feathers. I know the world cup players were the best in their clubs, but even with so much talent, they failed. They had NO TEAMWORK. Evra couldn't be a good captain, he wasn't bale to resolve inner team conflict or maybe set boundaries for players to not take their issues beyond the locker room and into the pitch. It was all a failure. And getting them back, well, for me, spells more disaster. I don't want that. I guess if as a player, you feel you can't represent your country well enough, you should just stop lying to yourself and let others take the lead. France is a new, young team. Let it grow enough, maybe they'll show us back the glory again. I know they will. The new players know they are young and inexperienced internationally but still they are trying, and their last win proved it. They could do it. If ever Evra and the otehrs come back, I hope they won't ruin it.

The Golden Goal Rule

Sepp Blatter should focus on putting a more technologically advanced game where he puts up goal line technology. 
He said "But in the first few matches of the group stage in South Africa, we witnessed some teams that went out to avoid defeat, that were playing for a draw from the outset." To be fair, those teams played to win, and qualify and it was essential for them to get points during a draw. The games played out well, perhaps it has escaped your notice, dear Mr. Blatter, that the only times when it DID not do so well where during those times when blatant mishaps were MISSED by your referees. Why don't you focus on that instead?! 


"We have to try to find a way to encourage free-flowing football in tournaments like the World Cup, with teams playing to win."-Blatter


They did play to win, I think it was obvious that they wanted it, who wouldn't? You see, the only hindrance to that is the way the game kept on stopping or being stopped by atrocious red and yellow cards for questionable faults, the missed goals and when your referees turned a blind eye to obvious penalties. WTH Blatter? This issue has been on the rise since those incidents but you keep skirting around them! You say you want to re-introduce the Golden Goal for free flowing football, I say you learn to priortize and get to a more pressing issue than that. get Goal Line technology, get any technology that would assist your referees in the game! 

Mesut and Sami benched for the meantime

Wow first name basis! LOL. This post may just spawn hatred for Jose Mourinho. I respect him as a coach because let's face it, he has proven himself as a great coach, the chosen one. Well the chosen one is pretty choosy and had a fun summer baiting and hooking and catching players all over. And his favorite fishing place is apparently Germany. He knows what he wants and he gets it. I'm a  bundesliga fan and I may be a bit possessive in its players because I do not want them to move out. The fact is, because of how the Germans have fared in the World Cup, things are looking bright for the the Bundesliga and I so want those players of quality to be part of it all. Back to Mourinho, he got Oezil and Kheidera, but because of the players' obvious language barrier (They are Germans/Turkish, what do you expect?) he places them on the bench. Well, Mourinho, if you keep doing that, you'll knwo you'll have lost something because those two were Germany's key players (Everyone is a key player in Die Mannschaft :D) Okay, I'm ranting. Need to stop. LOL. But I hope they get more playing time and perhaps request a translator since right now, it's going to be tough going during a language class to switch from German to Spanish. Hopefully, they get to show their talents sooner. And maybe even be friends with the rest of Real Madrid.

Gourcuff: moving Sideways

I love Yoann, he's one of my favorite football players. But he just frustrates me. He has a warped mind. Seriously, I was so mad about his transfer. It was reckless and idiotic and insulting to do it that way. To officially tell them you're transferring on the night of a big match is like saying you want out of a sinking ship that is Bordeaux. Argghhh..it's so frustrating, how could you do it? Did you feel no remorse? How do you think the team would feel?! Insulted. Mad. Angered. Gahhh...!!! And it's not like you're moving to the premier leagues, or La Liga, it's just another Ligue 1 club. And one who has not been doing well in their past few games.
Then you had your first match, albeit as a sub. You were present as a player, but you were a negligible part of that game. What happened to that Gourcuff who lead Bordeaux to their glory? Who showed AC Milan what they lost when they let you go?! Was the magic gone because the challenge was there no more? Where are you, Yoann Gourcuff, the playmaker?!
Do Come Back.

Die Mannschaft, Les Bleus and hopes for the future

First of all, I was so relieved that they won against Azerbaijan. Speculations were rampant that Germany would a have a difficult time in facing this team because of their poor showing against Belgium. They did win that match but it was obvious that the team lacked some spark. Criticisms were thrown at Podolski who made a poor show. That's why it was so important for Germany to get back on form. Getting a goal is good but it won;t be enough to win against the bigger teams. So in the game against Azerbaijan, the team went back in track to a whooping 6 goal win with just a single goal conceded to the opposing. Manuel Neuer's disappointment was evident in the way he was criticizing himself during the post match interviews. He wanted a clean sheet, it was a moment of weakness. But overall, it was a great game for Germany. They are way ahead of everyone else in their group and they are sure qualifiers for the Euro's. I hope they get the trophy this time because I seriously have had enough of Spain.

Of Spain: It's not that I hate the team. But they've won pretty much every trophy there could possibly be so I think it's time for other teams to take over. my bets are on Les Bleus and Die Mannschaft. Spain is very good but there are evident cracks in their play. During the world cup, Torres was not at his form, and Villa was shooting everywhere except the net. I guess they fixed it now, as seen during their qualifying match BUT during the friendly against Argentina (Who thankfully are now playing LOGICALLY without Maradona) they lost 4-1. So many factors affecting it yes, but as fresh world cup champions, it's a blow to their system. It's a big plus on Argentina's confidence factor because they were able to redeem themselves, they are capable of winning, they just need rational tactics. Again, I do not feel sad that Spain lost. I don't wish them well but there are a lot of quality teams who deserve their chance at a trophy. Young teams like France and Germany who could rise through the ranks if they use their young players well. Jogi is utilizing them successfully and hopefully, with just a little more training (mental, physical and social LOL) of France, they could also be a force to reckon with in Euro 2012.

Who knows? I could be watching and cheering. LIVE. **sigh.

I love the sappy drama's sometimes...

THIS. My favorite couple on OTH. Haley and Nathan!

HALEY: It all just seems so fake… this idea that good things happen to good people, and there’s magic in the world, and the meek and righteous will inherit it. There’s too many good people who suffer for something like that to be true; there are too many prayers that get unanswered. Every day we ignore how completely broken this world is, and we tell ourselves ‘it’s all going to be okay, you’re going to be okay,’ but it’s not okay. And once you know that, there’s no going back. There’s no magic in the world. At least today there isn’t.

smash!! smash!

Tonight, Tonight Time is never time at all.
You can never ever leave without leaving a piece of youth.
And our lives are forever changed.
We will never be the same.
The more you change the less you feel.

Believe, believe in me, believe.
Believe that life can change.
That youre not stuck in vain.
Were not the same, were different tonight.
Tonight, so bright.
Tonight.

And you know youre never sure.
But you're sure you could be right.
If you held yourself up to the light.
And the embers never fade in your city by the lake.
The place where you were born.

Believe, believe in me, believe.
Believe in the resolute urgency of now.
And if you believe theres not a chance tonight.
Tonight, so bright.
Tonight.

We'll crucify the insincere tonight.
We'll make things right, we'll feel it all tonight.
We'll find a way to offer up the night tonight.
The indescribable moments of your life tonight.
The impossible is possible tonight.
Believe in me as I believe in you, tonight.

my favorite authors:from one to another

hah!

Make-up!

Silent Ghosts

princess.princess

When you wear a beautiful dress

it's feeling like Cinderella going to the ball

poetic photo

and they stare at each other

The kid to the Lion.

i hate that my classmates are following me on twitter

I've loved twitter for so long that i'm so comfortable posting whatever I want there, no matter how many times I post about stuff that I want no one has bothered me with it. But my days of trigger-happy-tweeting are over when my classmates discovered twitter and started following me. Now remember, I did not ask the to follow me...they did it of their own accord, so if they want to, they can just unfollow me anytime they want because my life would be freaking better without them constantly telling me that I'm such a spammer..because I am! I spam Football! and I feel no shame about that because it's my personal twitter page and I can post whatever the hell I want. I have a lot of other followers who are became my friends because of our shared interest in the beautiful game and we are all football spammers. We take no offense to that because that's what we love to post abd share about. I don't use twitter to share my non-existent personal life, I use it to share to my love about football plus my other personal interests,a dn to those people who take offense at it, well, unfollow me! FTW. This has made me resort to making another twitter account which I will use more than the ones with my annoying complainers in it. STFU and unfollow me. I'm so effing mad. Your tweets are a waste of my space anyway, I don't feel any solidarity to your annoying insecurities and what-not, I have my own life and friends, thank-you-very-much. I feel closer to my football friends than to these classmates of mine who complain a lot. Your obscurities are unimportant to me. GTFO.
grrrr...
really over-using profanities because of this.
Thank goodness someone suggested getting an alternate account.

for the atheistic pleasure

"Because there is a law such as gravity, the universe can and will create itself from nothing. Spontaneous creation is the reason there is something rather than nothing, why the universe exists, why we exist, It is not necessary to invoke God to light the blue touch paper and set the universe going."-Stephen Hawking

remorseless

remorseless.
I did what I could.
I have no regrets.
Nor will I apologize.
Fin.

courage and strength are naught without prudence

“The play is over, and the curtain is about to fall. Before we part, a word about the graver teachings of the mountains. Still, at last, sad memory hovers round, and sometimes drifts across like floating mist, cutting off sunshine and chilling the remembrance of happier times. There have been joys too great to be describes in words, and there have been griefs upon which I have not dared to dwell; and with these in mind I say, climb if you will, but remember that courage and strength are naught without prudence, and that a momentary negligence may destroy the happiness of a lifetime. Do nothing in haste; look well to each step; and from the beginning think what may be the end.”

—	Simon Mawer, The Fall

me too...

“For my part I know nothing with any certainty, but the sight of the stars makes me dream”

—	Vincent Van Gogh

i prefer my own twisted reality

LMAO photos of the day

that's right photoS... i've got a lot...
"herpin Derpin" Messi special
:DD

Snapshots: Olympique Lyonnais' new Number 29

The porno-like medical examination

dear Country

I can't say I cared too much when news spread about the hostage taking at Quirino Grandstand. Nor will I be a hypocrite and lie that i cared about Miss Venus somebody in a beauty pageant. I am a filipino citizen, yes. But I'm also a hurt, confused individual who may or may not graduate in a c(o)urse that she mistakenly thought as "easy".

The Philippines has been under a lot of strain, as I have been, as millions of other youth in the world right now. That news about the hostage crisis, the media circus, the cringe-worthy aftermath that made us popular (or should i say,notorious) to the world, was just news at that moment, that which will then become history. What made me care about it was the way we, Filipinos, rode in the circus. We are the ones who are making fools of ourselves. What could have been conducted with dignity became a comedy show instead, with dire repercussions to our dignity as a filipino nation. This is how the world will see us now. This is how far we've gone under. This is how far we must take back of what we have lost. Rebuild and unite as a country to protect our own, to survive together, not to trample on those who have already fallen. 

Un-thankfulness

There are so many things a person should be thankful for, but when it all comes down to it, my life's un-thankfulness exceeds any thankfulness involved.

Life isn't fair, i know. But it stings when the person who should have made it less so, is the one making it all worst.

When I feel like crying, i stop because i don't want to waste them on insufferable idiots who make my life miserable. I know it's been deemed as therapeutic but to me it's just a waste of time when i could be happy instead.

So I go to where I'm happiest. My dreams, Football. My life that revolves around the world wide web.

there.

“Writing is a form of therapy; sometimes I wonder how all those, who do not write, compose, or paint can manage to escape the madness, the melancholia, the panic fear, which is inherent in a human condition.”

—	Graham Greene

Yoann to OL

Divorce imminent between Bordeaux and Yoann Gourcuff




this is such bad timing! i got mad when i first read this because it sounded like yoann was jumping ship when bordeaux was failing to win the matches. But the truth was that Yoann have been contemplating the move ever since Blanc and Chamakh headed out of the club. That's wrong, i made it sound like they were the only reason he was in the club. But he really wanted to transfer, that, i do know, and if arsenal (when rumors flew that they wanted him pre-Wc disaster) did bid for him, he was going there.
The problem with the issue was the bad timing, he talked with Jean Tigana the night before their match with PSG and it can cause terrible effects towards the club itself. it's like he lost faith, he seemed to have been gradually losing faith. I pity him. This has not been a good year, there were too much expectations, the world cup was a diasaster, he needs redemption by going through a fresh beginning. I support Yoann, wherever he may want to be and whatver he may decide to do, i'll still be his fan. :)

Quoting ballers

“I have complete faith in the France team of tomorrow. It’s going to explode one day and I’m going to do all I can to be part of it.”
Adil Rami to FIFA.com

“I was clear that I wanted to play for the best, and for me Mourinho is the best. We spoke and he convinced me."
Mesut Ozil on his decision to join Real Madrid

“I remember so many nights sleeping on the streets. When I look at what’s happened, it’s like sport’s version of Cinderella. All the sacrifices have proved worth it. Football can change lives.”
Bebe after joining Manchester United

“I’ve lived my whole life on the football pitch, but the end of my career is getting close. I want to finish the year well and then decide if I will continue playing. I don’t want to set a date for my retirement. When the time is right I want to say after a game, ‘that’s it’.”
Ronaldo of Corinthians

"It is like a dream. All the players at United were heroes to me, people like Cantona and Ronaldo. I liked Solskjaer a lot and others, like Giggs and Scholes. I wanted to be like them and now I am here, I can promise I will do my best to emulate them."
Javier Hernandez following his Manchester United debut

“I received a very good offer from Chelsea and it was a very difficult decision, but I’m very happy at Santos. Money alone doesn’t bring happiness.”
Neymar on his decision to sign a new contract at the Vila Belmiro

“I love the club and I don't see myself going anywhere else.”
Arsene Wenger after penning a new Arsenal contract